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Something’s not right

Winter solstice

Winter solstice

Longest night of the year and the darkness and coldness have really hit. Things seem really bleak. I've been struggling for a long time and was pacing myself to this point but can't see beyond it. I'm safe but despairing. I'm trapped in a vortex of family dysfunction from earliest years and emotional pain, received and (mea culpa) inflicted. I can't help my closest sibling - all others are estranged - and I don't seem able to extricate myself from personal difficulties and dilemmas that at present ďefine me - I have no connections or other identity. I've lost faith in my mh team.

I guess the sun will rise tomorrow, and I'll keep taking one day at a time, but I can't envision a future, my future.

1445 replies

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In response to: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thankyou @AuntGlow I'd missed your post.

The person modelling nurturance is quiet and undemonstrative but cares deeply for his partner, children and grandchildren and makes time for them all. He cooks for them and regularly cares for his grandson. He's generous to his family. He's been kind and supportive to me including during my dark days of illness and hospitalisation. Since my last illness he's checked in with me daily. But I see him and his family only a couple of times a year.

Thanks for the link to Dr Kristin Neff's materials. It would be good to try some self compassion practice. I'm inching towards better routines and will try to incorporate this. I'll print some of the CCI materials next time I'm at the library.

I'm working on your suggested intention of "noticing" . I haven't posted on that thread as it's veered off in another direction.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

I'm glad you have this person in your life, @Dimity 🙂

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

And I have you @NatureLover, and other forumites. Thankyou.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thank you back, @Dimity ! ❤

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

That's okay, lovely! @Dimity

How are you feeling today?

This person sounds like a very nurturing figure, and I am glad he is checking in on you. 💖

Wonderful. And no rush, okay? I know you are dealing with a lot of things right now, so small/incremental changes will be helpful here.

Oh, yay! That's amazing. What have you noticed?

And please do post in there, if you can - I will be checking in with everyone's progress this week, so we will come back to it. ✨

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@AuntGlow very anxious at times. I'm mostly persevering. I'll see where the intentions thread is at.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Here with you @Dimity 💛

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@AuntGlow wrote in another thread

I completely understand this @Dimity. I haven't been through this process of EMDR before, but I can hear that the preparation can feel quite distressing... have you been able to check-in with your therapist at all? So that you can titrate and slowly integrate this process into your care plan?

Because you're right, acknowledging your schemas is hard. And I think it's okay to let them know that this feels too much for your nervous system to hold alone.

How is this all sitting with you at the moment?

@AuntGlow it seems too much for me at present. But I don't see the psychologist again for a few weeks so there's no rush. My psychiatrist agrees attempting EMDR might make things worse. Meanwhile I'm taking one day at a time.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Taking it one day at a time is more than enough @Dimity. What are you doing for yourself today? ☀️🌱

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@AuntGlow not the best day. I'd insisted on seeing an eye specialist as I didn't feel confident in my management. Learnt I have a blind spot (when I'm already blind in the other eye) and need different treatment. I feel vindicated but upset.

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