Winter solstice

@AuntGlow

From another thread

You said

@AuntGlow lots happening. Legal, financial, family, health. Had multiple scans today. And the perpetual sense of homelessness and solastalgia when I do have secure housing. Relief while walking.

I wish I could give you a hug, this sounds so tough @Dimity. It sounds like you're really needing a sense of stability and comfort... I am glad that walking provides some relief. How do you notice it helps?

@AuntGlow I've always found comfort and stability mutually exclusive.. Gosh what is it about my walk.... I breath, I move, I have a fleeting sense of neighbourhood.

I haven't spoken to anyone I know for weeks.

This makes so much sense - breathing, moving, connectedness - that sounds really grounding for you @Dimity.

Who would you speak to, if you could?

And how are things feeling today? 💛

@AuntGlow feeling pretty inadequate lately.

I greet a couple of neighbours if I see them. I have friends and family who text me sometimes but don't call. There was a situation with a family member who's difficult to get on with but very vulnerable who I'd been trying to support but they may have blocked me, they haven't replied for weeks. I think they're OK as they post on social media. But there's stuff I need to sort out with them.

And things have gone sour with my MH supports. They'd misconfigured their billing software and it's jeopardised my MHCP. I'm not sure whether I'm continuing with them. It's the latest in a series of legal and financial setbacks.

I'm retreating back to trying stay on top of my little household of me and a geriatric cat. And wishing I could get back to my philosophy and other interests I haven't had the headspace for. In decluttering the dross I'm hoping to rediscover what matters.

Very sorry to hear all that, @Dimity 😥

Sending care ❤

Feelings of inadequecy can feel so heavy, can't they? @Dimity

To challenge this slightly, can you tell me one thing you feel adequate in at the moment? It can be something really small. ☺️

I'm sorry to hear about this family member, I can only imagine how much you're wanting to resolve things. It sounds like the blocking might be due to their state of mind? I know that doesn't make it hurt any less though... what would you say to them, if you could?

Goodness, the billing situation sounds overwhelming too... do you have any updates around this?

I like hearing that you would like to reconnect with philosophy and other interests of yours. I know it's really hard right now to do so, but I wonder if something towards this goal each day might help? 💛

Good questions @AuntGlow , appreciated.

I don't know, I'm at a loss. But I'll reflect.

Take your time, there's no rush with reflection. I'll definitely be thinking of you and I will be here if you'd like to chat at all tonight. @Dimity 🥰

@Dimity gentle hugs and for your cat. Solitude and isolation can be tricky to negotiate.

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was just reading this by Otto Rank…and thought of you….it might be too much or in the wrong direction for what you need… he came up with the word numinous. Not finished it yet. Will put it on Fragile thread. Forget it if it’s not right.

I am also feeling exhausted by stress.

Keep being yourself.

@Appleblossom the link didn't work but from what you said in the other thread could it be Rudolf Otto's The idea of the holy? I can appreciate the idea of the numinous so might look into it when I have the headspace.

Probably very different to William James's On the varieties of religious experience which I haven't read either but as a pragmatist probably pretty concrete.

Dunno.

Immanence and Dallas Willard's eschatology have interested me. Divine as manifest in the present. Heresy I'm sure. But still with more than a hint of the numinous if you're open to it.

Every now and then I take a deep dive. I will look more at Willard one day. Been that way since I officially dropped philosophy at uni, in the 1980s. lol. Kept the big textbook, kept the love bit… love of wisdom… lol… feel like I lived foolishly… learning to forgive myself.

@Dimity hope you are alright

🪲🌲🦘🥕🍎