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Something’s not right

Winter solstice

Winter solstice

Longest night of the year and the darkness and coldness have really hit. Things seem really bleak. I've been struggling for a long time and was pacing myself to this point but can't see beyond it. I'm safe but despairing. I'm trapped in a vortex of family dysfunction from earliest years and emotional pain, received and (mea culpa) inflicted. I can't help my closest sibling - all others are estranged - and I don't seem able to extricate myself from personal difficulties and dilemmas that at present ďefine me - I have no connections or other identity. I've lost faith in my mh team.

I guess the sun will rise tomorrow, and I'll keep taking one day at a time, but I can't envision a future, my future.

1445 replies

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In response to: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Howdy @NatureLover thanks for your reply.

Yes I'm safe.

I hope your appt went well.

This afternoon I traipsed to a shopping centre and splurged on clothes and footwear. I think it's my first shopping trip since my 2023 Xmas shopping. It was raining as I got home, yet shafts of sunlight, and a double rainbow.

I think I needed the stuff but it was atypical and I've been unwell for a while (MH). I had a difficult gp appt yesterday about my routine medical stuff and I have such a backlog of chores I can't function. I'm noticing I'm worrying about things that probably have reasonable explanations eg after 2 attempts I'm still not registered for MyMedicare. I've lost touch with the family, my fault as much as theirs, but I don't know what to say to them after the recent antagonism I received.

Hopefully I can make a fresh start tomorrow, with the housework at least. I'll need groceries too. I wish I could shake the dark cloud and brain fog.

It will be very upsetting if we lose the continuing forum threads. They sometimes feel like a lifeline.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@tyme I'm shocked you're even considering closing long running threads! (You said you hadn't decided yet)

My MH is so complicated and complex that I certainly won't be starting a whole lot of new threads, trying to explain my 6 complex MIs in each one. Or even one complex MI.

I fully support @Dimity with her feedback above.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

@Dimity I totally agree, the continuing forum threads are a lifeline.

I'm glad you're safe (hope you still are)

I'm sorry about the brain fog and the depression. 😥 Also being frozen because of your massive backlog. 😥

And your difficult GP appt...more for you to deal with 🫂

Well done for looking after your new clothing needs. Did you manage to order / get groceries today?

It must be very upsetting to have either absence or antagonism from your family.

My appt went OK thanks. It was by Telehealth as my psychologist was getting over a cold.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hmm I'm sorry if your appt was just OK @NatureLover when you're needing a bit more of a boost, and some help and encouragement getting back on track.

I haven't done my grocery shopping yet, and the fridge and pantry are getting low. But I got some chores done.

How are you sleeping? I remember you're usually an early riser. Tomorrow is the Spring equinox! So hopefully your SAD is easing. I should try to get outside more, and earlier, to help my depression and vit D deficiency. That reminds me, I hope your recent iron infusion is helping too.

I think I need some tidying magic. It's been a while.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Thanks, @Dimity . I'm sleeping terribly, have been since I got sick. I've got a snap appt with my psychiatrist tomorrow, to ask if I can put up my sleeping tablet.

Not sure yet if iron infusion has kicked in.

Well done for getting some chores done.

How are your groceries?

Wish I could send you some tidying magic ❤

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Oh @NatureLover not sleeping can certainly derail you. I trust your psychiatrist was able to help.

I've shopped for groceries but I'm finding it hard to throw together a good meal or get on top of the housework. I've dabbled in some advocacy on several issues that needed a response but I'm not confident I'm going about it the right way. And the cat's not well. All guaranteed to unsettle me when I'm not the best. I feel queasy after some random things happened when I was out shopping so I'll have to be careful. Definitely NQR.

I don't know what the answer is. If we both keep moving forward one step at a time, one day at a time, perhaps that's all we can do for now.

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Hi @Dimity , sorry you're struggling so much 😥

Does your cat need the vet? And I gather you're still sick?

Well done for doing the grocery shopping. Do you have any ingredients you can use for a quick no-effort meal? E.g. an apple with cheese cubes?

The random things that happened while shopping sound worrying, if you need to be careful. Do you mean the things that happened were NQR, or that you feel NQR yourself?

Yes, my psychiatrist put up my sleeping tablet on Tuesday, thank goodness. How is your sleep?

We haven't seen a new neighbour yet.

Sending hugs 🫂

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

Worried about you, @Dimity . I hope you're coping.

Sending hugs 🫂

In response to: Re: Winter solstice

Re: Winter solstice

I hope you're feeling better if you're sleeping better @NatureLover . I'm probably sleeping too much, once I settle and get to sleep (which can take ages).

I've wondered about taking the cat to the vet but he's there every 2 months anyway and I've asked for help before. I'll definitely follow up if he deteriorates. So far he has a couple of bad days then recovers.

Yes I've been taking shortcuts with meals when I should be more careful because it does affect my general health. I'm barely getting anything done, and tired of low level pain. Brain fog and dizziness don't help. When I'm not coping well I'm more upset by accidents and incidents, and perhaps they happen more often. So it all builds up and I'm feeling quite unwell.

I hope your new neighbour/s are nice. I don't see my next door neighbour these days but occasionally see the chap who lives opposite.

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