Winter solstice

@Appleblossom thankyou.

I'm actively working through, processing and trying to integrate aspects of my unhappy adulthood through my revisiting old records. I've done a lot. The EMDR is helping address unhelpful old schemas and distressing memories, particularly childhood ones.

I'm having trouble trying to make new connections, but my psychologist agrees it's important.

Yes i agree re the complexity and ongoing nature of family matters. There are new developments building on unresolved previous, and at some stage there'll be a reckoning. I've been told many times it's beyond my control but I feel responsible for finding solutions... sometime in the never-never. I'm running out of time.

You encourage me to remain optimistic by your example, and I'm grateful.

Walking together //// but often I feel like I am waddling ... or paddling ... no I am not tipsy!

@Dimity

Well done @Dimity on working through old memories in records. And for doing the same with the EMDR distressing childhood memories too. ❤️

Hi @Appleblossom

@Appleblossom just remembered i'd meant to respond re your burgundy "cords"... indeed I remember them from early '80's. Another friend also praised them just recently - she has a new pair. I've been happily wearing trews best described as caramel velour... snug and a nice change from Melbourne's ubiquitous black.

Ah the small things @Dimity Must be the girly side in me, talking about clothes...lol... but it is pants!

Trews. Have you Scottish heritage? Caramel, not tartan?

Haha! I did wear a dress and leggings today. I went to the movies twice. in the morning was a great doco, about cinematic history from the projectionist's poin of view, partly set in the theatre we were in. I spoke to film maker in person. He was gorgeous. After lunch my son and nephew arrived and we watched The Odyssey. It was good making memories for family. It has been so long in coming.

Lol I tried for a little levity @Appleblossom. I'm... not girly... rarely wear skirts and dresses but haven't exiled them from my wardrobe. I feel shabby and dowdy these days.

I'm glad you're socialising, enjoying movies and family, and your son recuperating.

A friend dropped in unexpectedly today. I think she was shocked. She offered to help but her suggestions were unworkable.

@NatureLover 

@Dimity I wear very little make up.... maybe 3 years ago? I have a "good enough" for church look... for basic respect as an organist ... or leave it for gardening mode. I go to the hair dressers ... possibly 5 times in last 25 years ...I get away with cutting my hair myself. I wear an outfit a few times to justify the washing, unless of course I have been rolling in the dirt. lol I do need to work on my neediness, and

It is good your friend dropped by. I hear your vulnerability. I hope you keep up your social group, Be kind to yourself.

I just got a Franciscan youtuber on my search engine. It feels so unFranciscan. lol I guess times are changing.

@Appleblossom I've always cut my own hair myself too. Too poor all my adult life.

@Dimity It's nice your friend dropped by. But I feel friends who don't understand the issues can cause more damage than good, in terms of hoarding. I had a friend who was supposedly "helping" laugh at me once, not nicely. She said, "Why on earth would you want to keep THAT!?!" about something that meant a lot to me. It was hurtful, and never had her back to help.

@NatureLover When I first married and children were small, I cut everyone's hair. So I just got in the habit of it. I probably could have afforded it in the last 20 years, but mostly I did not feel comfortable or it was a treat that made me feel good, so I stopped it completely. Prefer to spend my money on what I want. Old enough to be allowed to please myself, after 60 years of poverty. SO I know what its like.

I spent $100 on movie tix yesterday and $70 on food, but it was a long special day, and we were celebrating a birthday and consolidating extended family relationships. So my frugality pays off cos I felt fine to do that and splurge.

@Dimity I agree with Nature Lover about friends. The connections we have with different people are so unique. I am getting better at understanding theory of mind, and seeing what is workable. If she could not fully solve situation, dont let it bring you down too much. Sometimes they just dont have it in them.

I visited a friend today, who has been doing it tough. She is in her 80s and there is a little Elder Abuse going on. We talked about it, discussing boundaries and genuine entitlements. She is finally getting support. She is very creative and independent, which is what I love about her. Played with her cats, made some good plans for us, her mood perked up quite a bit.

We do care about you. Go gently with your inner talk. Huh! Says me! Sometimes easier to give advice. Sending hugs.

Thanks @Appleblossom and @NatureLover . I have a couple of friends, older widows, who like to share news of their projects and achievements which always leave me in the shade. I think they pride themselves on their independence, as I know they grieve their husbands.

Oh dear re hairdressers... my inferiority complex is triggered when I get my regular trims... I can't cut or style my hair, or manage long hair.

Enjoy your Sunday.