No idea

hello straightnarrow I too am fairly new on here yesterday actually. I have mental health issues and a son who has just been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia - I can tell you that I believe how hard it is and know what it is like to push people away because it hurts inside so much. there are some wonderful people on here who will read your post and respond. it might not be straight away but they will respond to you. so just believe that you are very important and valued. you have done the right thing venting how you feel. you don't have to tell everything only talk about what you feel comfortable about. there is a helpline phone no at the top of the page if you feel that you cant wait any longer. take care my friend

Hi there @straightnarrow,

I'm one of the moderators on the Forums, I just wanted to pop by and say thank you so much for your first post and sharing your story.

Considering that you have described yourself as pushing others away fairly consistently over the last few years - I think it shows just how brave you were by coming online today to reach out to the members on the Forum. It's an incredible act of courage 🙂 I think most of the other Forum members would attest to this too.

I think the Forums can be a great way to start rebuilding connections with like minded people who understand what you're going through. I really hope this is a new chapter moving forward for you @straightnarrow. If you ever have any questions or need support, please feel free to do as @Former-Member suggested and contact us on the number above.

@Former-Member @Appleblossom @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Kurra @Former-Member, thought some of you might have some experience in the type of struggles @straightnarrow is going through right now if you're free 🙂

Hi @straightnarrow. I'm so glad you reached out on this forum.
Lonliness is such a struggle when we are living with a MI.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and ptsd over 2 years ago. Although I have had episodes of depression since my teenageyears. And so I have had periods of hibernating in bed or in my house and not wanting to speak to anyone. This pushed some people away. But luckily my best friend has stayed a part of my life. She gives me space when I've needed it & is there when I'm stronger.
This forum might be a good place to connect - not only to members with your MI, but with others here.
It's a great place to seek advice and confirmation that you are on the right track - but also a social forum where you can catch up with others and have a chat and a laugh.
Recently I've started volunteering & I've started to meet some like minded people with similar interests and values. I've found this to be a safe, easy way to meet new people. Maybe this is something that you could look into.
In the meantime have a look around this site and join in with others conversations.

@straightnarrow. Hwlo & welcome.
I've been where you are and I want to say - it does get better. Keep starting over 'till it works.
3 years is not very long at all and you're so young. There's all the hope in the world for you, ways to manage your condition, repair and build lasting relationships so you're not so lonely.Keep trying, don't give up. Don't beat yourself up either. Yes you pushed people away and they didn't come running after you. We can make this a good realisation because the changes you are going to put in place now will be for you and not others, for your best interest and not there's, and your first strong lasting quality will be with yourself. All those conversations inside your head - that's where you start to change - be kind to yourself - become your own best friend. If you believe in a living God - bring the Holy Spirit in and the inner triangle will be complete. You are highly valued unique, and belong just as much as anyone. Learn to like your own company and people will like you too.
Give your mum a call, even if you just talk about the weather - it will be good for both of you just to hear each others voice.

With your history, it would be prudent to start again with a quality psychologist and work through some therapy, build new skills and exchange new concepts.
A lot can change between 19 & 23, this is the perfect time really, to start afresh. Put the hard work in getting to know yourself and grow, do the exercises, challenge some mindsets, join a new common interest group and just keep going.

You will make friends here. I had my first breakdown at your age and given the same diagnosis but 30yrs later I'm still here, made it through plenty of tough times but the good days, they make it all worth it. Mindfulness & self-compassion therapy have helped me the most this last setback 5yrs ago. Its not impossible. Start again and we will walk with you. Many here on the forums understand & will check in. Keep posting and start again. You can do this 🙂

Maybe grab two books "reality slap" & "the happiness trap" and do the exercises.

Big hugz xox

Hi @straightnarrow
I've been in a very similar situation although I was the one overseas and my family was here. I was a year or so younger than you are now. I decided not to let them know because I didn't want to worry them.

In the end I caused them a lot more worry because I ended up being hospitalised in a foreign country with a language other than English. The Australian consul contacted them to let them know what was happening. It caused them enormous anxiety and expense. Parents worry about their children often but when you put MI into the mix it's much worse for everyone in the family including you. I wish I had had the courage to be honest with them.. I was in hospital just over 4 months.

Phone your Mum and let her know that you're really struggling. As a mother myself I know that I prefer to know about what's happening. Hearing nothing causes a lot of anxiety.

You can move forward from where you are now but it does mean you need to help yourself first. You can do this by contacting your Mum and concentrating on gett a bit better so that you can start looking forward to a future that can be a lot better than you feel now.

Work out the time difference and make that phone call or send her an email. I think you'll feel a lot more comfortable when you've done so.
Take care 🎶