I've opted out of life

Hi @kheldar

I hear the battle when one issue led to another issue and left you in an empty space.

You found the forum and you write well, so there are positive things about you.

You are aware your title may create a problem, so you are aware of things.

My suggestion is to volunteer somewhere like a food kitchen, salvos, churches like volunteers etc.

Meet good people.

Pick up your confidence.

They are no obligation.

Through my volunteer church work l met nice people and learnt new skills.

What have you tried?

What was the obstacle?

Thanks for posting @kheldar . Let's just say I can relate to being a 30 year old stuck in an adolescent body... actually, I was in my 30s and stuck in a toddler's body. But that was because of my BPD.

I lacked social skills immensely. I hated people, I hated being around people, and there was a empty void within me. I wanted to be a hermit. Why? Because i didn't trust people. I felt they could easily hurt me.

In the end, I guess I realised that humans are social creatures. I was getting grouchier and grouchier within me, and less and less satisfied with life. So much so that all I wanted to do was to die.

Well.. destiny had a different idea. Destiny didn't let me die. Destiny took me on a trip to literally study social skills in uni. Then, to practice these skill in group mentalisation-based therapy.

Boy oh boy, I can't believe what I am today. I won't say I'm a social butterfly, but I can say no one would have the slightest idea that I struggle in social situations.

Nowadays, I'm around sooooo many people all day that at the end of the day, I just want to find a nook to be quiet in.

And you know what? I'm quite happy and satisfied about that balance.

I hear that it may be so hard for you right now, but a push in the right direction to get you out of your comfort zone can make a world of difference. Are you ready for the challenge?

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. This might seem like a dumb question but I am deadly serious - how can I find places to volunteer at? Something like volunteering at a homeless shelter or a kitchen serving free meals 100% aligns with my values but I'm honestly not sure where to look that would be suitable for me.

One of the big things I'm concerned about is that my lack of ability is going to hinder rather than help wherever I go. Let's say I was serving meals - sounds easy but I imagine myself being slow or making a mess, or people won't want to accept a meal from a sweaty weirdo, or that I will feel overwhelmed and want to leave early, or that there will be hidden skills required (e.g. conflict resolution) that I don't have.

That said I know I will need to do things I'm not comfortable with if I'm going to make any meaningful change, and this does seem like a good place to start.

Thanks for your reply, and it's awesome that you've been able to make such huge steps. It does give me hope that I am also capable of some kind of change. And I agree that humans are social creatures, as weak as I am in social situations I also desperately wish to make connections with other people.

My question is, what exactly did "Destiny" look like for you? How would you suggest I get Destiny to smile upon me in the same way?

As for being ready for a challenge - I don't know. I've become awfully comfortable sitting at home alone, to the point where anything else is scary. Right now I'm up for it, but experience tells me that my resolve is a fickle thing and who knows about tomorrow?

Hi @kheldar

When you reply it is good to use the @ feature. It drops down names and select the name so the person knows what message you are replying to.

Google search “I want to volunteer in my area”

Seek jobs has a list under https://www.volunteer.com.au

A great idea is to contact local Aged care places. Staff do not have time to chat to the residents. You may be able to sit and chat to some and at dinner time help feed those that need help. That may lead into a role you like and then study Aged care or Disability Support work.

For me Churches are great. Some have weekly support to feed people. Many roles are required from greeting to cooking and serving. Churches are great because during a service, they need greeting people, ushers, musicians, sound people, coffee makers and servers and kitchen staff.

Remember in most places there is always one bad person. We have to get over that and focus on the good ones. With churches and aged care most are good. And I say if we did not have bad people, how would we know what good people are?

US President the other day tripped on stage. He got over it. Not sure why you do not see your messy ways as ways you can improve. We all make mistakes. We have to pick ourselves up, learn and get over it. It is better to have a humble person like you than someone who is perfect. We are non perfect people in a not perfect world and that is how we survive.

Feeling completely defeated tonight. Not sure where to turn. I have been alive for so long and lived so little, and nothing ever really changes.

I'm sorry you feel this way tonight. It sounds like a very tough space to sit in. @kheldar

Do you have someone you can talk to about it so you at least feel less alone in all of this?

I used to think along the similar lines. I 'lost' about 20 years of my life to depression and anxiety. However, looking back, as hard as it was, I don't regret it, because I feel like I'm making up for lost time now. I'm doing everything and anything I've ever wanted and I feel so free.

So just because it seems hopeless now, it doesn't mean it will remain that way forever. You are the author of your own book. Only you can write the next chapter.

'Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...' - Finding Nemo

Hi @kheldar

I was revising the post.

What are your thoughts on @BPDSurvivor comments?

I learnt a lot there.

@tyme supported you too

So you have support here to vent to

Did somethjng happen?

Did you have dinner?

Hi @kheldar @Former-Member @tyme ,

How are you all?

@kheldar , Hope you are ok. I read that we’re feeling a bit low.

@Former-Member , ur a good support to people.

hi @tyme .