Exhausted

Battling with ones-self can be exhausting so the feeling of exhaustion is quite natural. If you have ever been admitted to hospital before you can understand that it can be a lengthy process so this may be why it is a difficult decision.

There is a psychiatrist available at Psych2U. It is done by telehealth so you don't have to leave your home to speak with one. It may take a couple of weeks to get in so do a plan for who you can get help through until then. You do need a doctor's referral.

Thanks for your reply @Peacemaker

Last night is a complete blur. I hardly slept. I don't want to get to that place again but I don't know how to get help. I was (voluntarily) admitted to hospital around 2 years ago. It was my first and only time. I've wanted to go back several times since. I have no one looking after my meds. I have no support whatsoever. I only speak to my (adult) son who I live with. I only leave the house for medical appointments and even then I try to cancel them as much as possible.

I don't know who to contact for resources. I literally have no one to advocate for me and I'm just slipping further and further away.

I don't know what anyone can say to help me but I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Cheers.

Hey @JM_ ,

That sounds so tough. Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of strength to reach out and say, "Yes, I need a bit of help right now."

Are you current medications managed by your GP?

Thanks for your reply @tyme

I don't have any doctors looking after my meds. I had a psychiatrist (roughly 6-7 years ago) who suddenly quit and I haven't had one since. I just stayed on the same meds. When I was in Hospital, the psychiatrist there changed my antidepressant but when I got home I started to get REALLY sick - turned out to be Serotonin Syndrome so I changed myself back to the old meds. I was chatting to my (old) GP who put me on to a new med but it was for other things (besides depression). She left the practice so again, I needed to find a new doctor. I decided that I didn't want to be on two different antidepressants so I cut back on my old one - which I'm almost off.

So, I've been seeing a new doctor (since October) and he just gives me whatever scripts I ask for as he doesn't know my history. He can see that on the system it's been prescribed before so he doesn't question it.

I had my family GP retire last year. I'd been seeing him since I was a teenager so it was difficult to lose him. Even though I didn't live in the area anymore I still traveled to see him as much as I could. Then my female GP (of 10 years) left the practice near home so I lost both of my GPs at once.

This new GP is nice but each time I see him it's in relation to my vertigo. I was stuck with a severe episode of vertigo back in October which landed me in hospital. The doctors in emergency weren't too helpful and sent me home - I'd never experienced vertigo before this.

I wasn't getting any better so I went to the Eye and Ear hospital emergency and they did a few referrals but it's just been dead ends ever since. I've had audiology tests, MRIs, vestibular assessments, seen a Neurologist etc. etc. and I still have no idea what's wrong.

I've got a referral to see a specialist/ someone/ balance clinic/who knows! from the Eye an Eye hospital. They've had my Referral since November but they can't tell me when I'll be given an appointment! I ring them and they tell me that they have my Referral and that I shouldn't be waiting this long (7 months!) But there's nothing they can do and I just need to WAIT.

Sorry, I've rambled but there's SO much going on but nothing is being fixed. I try and try but I'm getting nowhere. Since the vertigo started (October) I haven't been able to drive or anything like that! I've lost ALL independence and freedom. I can't grocery shop or anything like that. Everywhere is public transport which isn't ideal with balance issues. So, I've become a recluse and only leave the house for medical appointments.

BTW, I don't have anyone to drive me and taxis are too expensive - I'm on a Disability Pension - so it needs to be public transport.

I'm just in a deep, deep hole and I can't find my way out. Sorry 😞

Hey @JM_ - there's no need to be sorry. I'm glad you're sharing with us about where you're at, and it sounds like it's been an incredibly frustrating and lengthy process. It can be so, so hard to have to keep pursuing all these specialists only to find yoursef without any solid answers.

Do you have many supports? Friends, family, or professionals who you can talk to about what you're going through?

Thanks @Jynx

Unfortunately I don't have any other supports (other than my son) I'm from a very small (but extremely dysfunctional) family so I severed ties with them long ago. It was definitely what I needed to do for my own mental health and I don't regret it at all.

Apart from High school, I've never really had any "real" friends. Probably because my childhood didn't allow me to make and keep connections so it's always been quite foreign to me. I'm not concerned because it's not something that I really want either. I've TRIED to be friends with people in the past but I REALLY suck at it! Lol. I'm just not good friendship material and that's fine by me.

I just find that because I've been so isolated for so long now, I'm losing touch with reality. I never had social anxiety before so it's all new and pretty scary.

I'm 100% a loner who's never been able to rely on others in the past. I'm actually really uncomfortable with people offering help of any kind. I pretty much raised myself and then became a single mother when my son was still a baby. I raised him without any help at all - he's a young adult now. It's not that I didn't want or need any help, it's just that I didn't receive any from my family or my ex's family. So, like I'd done most of my life, I did everything solo. I'm not complaining either. I'm just explaining my situation.

There aren't any medical professionals who I can turn to (except for this new GP)

I just spoke to Triage and they've put in a referral for me to see a psychiatrist. I don't know how long it'll take but at least it's a start. I REALLY need to have all my meds reviewed and be put on something much more suitable than what I'm currently taking.

I don't know what to do in the meantime but I need to find some way to force myself to interact with people in some way or another. The longer that I'm separated from the "real world" the more difficult life will become.

Due to limitations, I can't volunteer anywhere and, trust me, I've looked into it many times. I'd love to find "groups" to just hang out in without any expectation of any kind of friendships forming. I used to be able to go to different art groups years ago and that was awesome but I needed to drive for that.

I need to find something fairly close to home, or at least public transport. It's also very difficult to find motivation when it's so cold outside. Like, who wants to force themselves to leave a warm house and make your way to some foreign place where you don't even know anyone? It's not very appealing to a majorly depressed mind!

Anyway, I'm rambling but (besides my son) I'm completely on my own here which is just how it is. Hopefully I'll get a call about seeing a psychiatrist soon but realistically I know how long there's things can take.

If anyone knows how to find groups to interact with, that would be great. Cheers.

@JM_ I can really see how much you have had to become extremely independent as a way of surviving. That's okay! Fierce independence can be a really normal response to not having your needs met when you were younger. It's also something that can be worked on.

I'm glad you've got some support lined up with the psychiatrist. Hope it gets you sorted and you can find more balance in your day-to-day.

As for finding people to interact with, have you heard of Meetup? It's a website to help you find groups you can join. And part of the appeal is that you don't necessarily have to become friends with them - it can just be an opportunity to get outside your comfort zone, interact with some people, and see what's out there. No pressure, but potentially opportunity, to make some friends. Hopefully there's something close to you that you can check out 😁

Thanks @Jynx

I've heard of it but never really explored it properly. Thanks for the link - I just joined up so I'll spend the rest of the evening/ weekend checking it out.

I'm going to look into some local community houses too. I went to one several years ago but I'll try to find one a bit closer to home.

Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it. 🙂