Peer Group Chat // The Importance of ‘I’ // Thursday 22nd June 2023, 7-8:30PM AEST

How are you @Appleblossom. Well the Rn took my harmonica from me. Reckons she can get the reed replaced.. Yeah right..!

So it was either more You tube or I kicked that, tin can around the room. Would never guess I'd get t your 4 D post back. Thankyou appleblossom. You just re wall papered my mind..

tonys

Great @tonys Especially if nurse can get a reed for your harmonica ... we will want to hear some moaning ...lol

Hi Everyone,

Just a reminder that the next Online Peer Group Chat on The Importance of ‘I’ will take place tonight from 7-8:30pm AEST. As always, for ease of reference, times across Australia are in the graphic and listed below:

Western Australia: 5pm
Northern Territory & South Australia: 6:30pm

Queensland, New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory, Victoria & Tasmania: 7pm

Tonight, you can expect discussion about:

• What assertiveness might look like & the place of ‘I’ statements in assertiveness
• supporting others to develop their assertiveness skills
• improving our own assertiveness skills over time

Tagging members who have supported or otherwise interacted with the thread so far as well as those who may be interested to receive a reminder: @StuF @tonys @Emergence @Snowie @Shaz51 @TAB @Captain24 @Jacques @Oaktree @CloudBerry @Bobbie @creative_writer @Birdofparadise8 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaymanpihama @outlander

Hey everyone!

Just a reminder that this Peer Group Chat on the topic of The Importance of I will be starting very soon, in around 15 minutes at 7PM AEST!

Tagging those who have interacted with the thread and who may be online and/or interested to receive a reminder! We hope to see you there! @tonys @Emergence @Shaz51 @Snowie @Appleblossom @Captain24 @creative_writer @Birdofparadise8 @Dimity @wellwellwellnez @Appleblossom @Oaktree @chibam @TAB @outlander @Eden1919 @Former-Member @EternalFlower @Meowmy @StuF @Jacques @Bobbie @Former-Member @CloudBerry

Hi Everyone,

Something that came up in this discussion is how hard it can be to speak up and use our voices, especially when there might be potential for conflict. I definitely resonate with this- it can be a huge challenge to find your voice and it can feel equally confronting trying to find and use your voice. But I've also come to learn that it's really important- our voices are treasures. I feel like you've touched on this with your poem @tonys!

‘I’ statements, that being statements starting with 'I...', are something I've found a little easier and more accessible to start off with when I've been trying to build up confidence with finding and using my voice as they keep the focus on me and my perspective. So, I've got a little challenge for anyone who’s up for it, and I'm hoping it might help us all learn together 😊

Here's a statement; “Your yelling all the time doesn’t get us anywhere. I’m only trying to help!”

I have 2 questions with this; firstly, what’s wrong with this statement?

Next is a two parter, and this is where the challenge comes in;

2a how could you reframe this original statement using ‘I’ statements?

2b how could you respond using ‘I’ statements?

This worksheet might give you a few ideas, and this episode of Bluey a few other simple ones, to get you started, but I'm really keen to hear all of your ideas and learn together 😊 @Appleblossom @tonys @TAB @StuF @Emergence @Shaz51 @Snowie @outlander @creative_writer

Good one @TideisTurning

I have been thinking about them for 30 years .... letting others have a go ... at answering.

the first statement uses 'you' which is blaming.

alt answer : 'I find it hard to help when being yelled at'

reply: "I am sorry you thought I was yelling'. 'I felt I was not being heard.'

@TideisTurning

..doing a runner now; that was my hi and bye lol

Thankyou @TideisTurning And I hope you are well and happy. Will, as usual, have to process your challenge slowly. My top paddock is short a few sheep, but I'll get there.

May I say that its becoming more apparent to me that you have a stand out quality that is short supply

these days. Tolerance. It does foster in folks , the confidence to skate close to the lines regards free expression and lateral views, however right or wrong they may appear to be.

I always think people are "trained to be liars" We don't reward them for telling the truth or speaking their minds. If someone tells me I look shabby or they pinched a $50 from the till, Do I go crook, n banish them to obscurity, or do I seize with both hands, a rare opportunity to reinforce honesty. I felt I had to say, you posses this skill Tideis Turning. Not sure weather its your training or inherent in you, But there it is.. I really appreciate sharing with you.. Bye for now, kind thoughts, tonys.

Thank you for the compliment @tonys. I'm touched to hear you feel I can create spaces safe and encouraging enough to have these kinds of important conversations 😊

I think you've got a point- honesty is hard, and not necessarily something that's as widely practiced in society, even as important as it is. I feel like I statements require honesty. Radical honesty at that.

All good @Appleblossom- it's tough! Learning from the example of others can be really helpful too. 😊

@TAB- thank you so much for having a go! You've picked up on the use of 'you' in the initial statement, which isn't always super helpful in having constructive conversations, perhaps because it can instil a sense of feeling 'blamed' and cause someone to get defensive as a result. I love your reframes too! Incredible use of 'I'! 👏

A thought I had during this convo was needing support can put us in a place where we can’t be assertive, but then realised that we can still communicate our side and place a boundary if others are not accepting it.

I think my original comment was due to something like this: if it’s nice to have support I might maintain a relationship even though their presence distressed at times, where as before I experienced severe mental health issues, I could have been more independent. So I feel like being sick placed me in a place where I can’t put a boundary.

thoughts?