⚠️⚠️ Trigger warning: SI ⚠️⚠️⚠️ "Breaker"

Please do not continue to read if you yourself are sensitive right now.

I need a "breaker" from my mind. I have been been struggling hard with a lot of things, thoughts and feelings which have led me to feel like unsubscribing. I don't want to feel like this, trust me. But I have tried to find a way out, but there doesn't seem to be one, leading me with feeling like there is Only 1 answer. I have been resisting but I feel myself slipping mentally. And yep, it is scary but I don't know what else to do.

After a conversation with someone tonight, they gave me something to give me, what I call a break. I know it's really bad to do this, but I feel quite desperate. However, I already have something I can use and have been keeping it for the moment I need a 'break' or to.... completely get away.

I spoke to this person about how life has been lately and they are like 'no wonder you feel like you do'. It is hard to hear someone say that, and I guess validate my feelings.

So here I am already struggling, with no where to turn for help, but then get given something to help me (in their eyes, in a positive way - they were trying to 'help'...or maybe they had a different reason) but they don't know how bad my mind gets and how dark it is. I was wrong for accepting this, but at the same time, I need a breaker, or maybe I just need to unsubscribe from it all

I am lost. I am scared because I know what I am capable of. And mixed with how I feel mentally....maybe this is the end.....

I feel awful and confused.