Feeling lost in every aspect

Hi @Sailormoon23

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found us as it can be a place to find support from likeminded people. It sounds like things have been tough for you lately. I can understand why you are concerned that things that have been said to you in the past are affecting the way you interact with your little ones. If you are comfortable, are you happy to share a little more about your mother-in-law's words to you such as in what context was she saying this? Have you been to therapy in the past? People's words can really affect us and change the way we think. When your kids are little (and older!) there is a lot of anxiety about whether we are doing/saying the 'right' things as parents. I wonder if you might find it helpful to talk a little more about it.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

I was referred to by lifeline, it's been that bad. I have to drink every night to go to sleep or even during the day as a coping mechanism. Alcoholism runs in my family so I expected it to happen to me in one way or the other. We were on the topic of sin and she said that you can't be forgiven of all sins in the context of sexual bottom stuff, it was completely random and as soon as she said it I started throwing up in the bathroom from stress. I had spent so long trying to get into a faith of my own after living in a toxic home environment with my parents with domestic violence, drug use, alcohol and obviously child abuse/neglect and it just affected me in a big way to hear that from her and I took it personally because I was new to everything. I've been to therapy before for suicidal ideation when I was kicked out of home at 18 and forbidden from seeing or talking to my sisters whom I practically raised. I am thinking of going again for obvious reasons, this way of living and thinking is no longer sustainable, I'm exhausted and I want to be strong mentally for my children again.

I'm sorry to hear that @Sailormoon23 . Sounds like you've had it pretty rough over the years.

It can be really tough to separate our past from our present and may I suggest thinking about counselling or seeing a psychologist again. I would also consider first seeing your GP to seek some referrals for the alcohol issue. I'm going to send you an email too so please keep an eye out.

hugs

Hanami