Hello everyone

Welcome @LittleTiger ,

I couldn't help but respond to your honest and sincere post. Thank you for taking the time to share some of what's happening for you with the community.

It sounds like such a difficult place to sit in. Knowing what your heart wants, but also knowing it is not entirely in reach.

I'm curious to know how the person you are in love with feels about things and what they want to do, moving forward.

I hope to hear from you.

Please take care.

Feel free to tag me into your posts by typing "@" in front of my name e.g. @tyme

Hi @LittleTiger

It sounds really hard for you to feel the strong love that you do, but know they are not available at the moment. Know that you are worthy of love and happiness, regardless of whether the person you love chooses to show his love for you, or stays with his partner. Your value is not determined by what someone else thinks of you, but as what is inside you. You know you are a good person who doesn't want to ruin someone else's relationship. Whatever happens you can show yourself that you deserve to be loved by looking after your physical and emotional health as best you are able. Don't wait for someone else to show their love for you - allow yourself to see your own good points and praise yourself like a lover would. Give yourself gifts, take yourself on dates that you enjoy. Doing this doesn't say that you want to be alone - but rather that you are valuable whether you are with a paryner or not.

Apart from seeking help on a forum, what else helped you get through hard times in the past? Are there any strategies you have found useful to utilise when things are hard? Can you try some self care or grounding ideas? Do you have any friends or professionals you could contact for support? Could you distract yourself with a hobby or other pleasant things while you work through your relationship challenges?

@CrazyChick thank you for your support.
The love I feel is so strong and pure it hurts, platonically and romantically. I often wish that I never met him..

Yeah, I used to be very content and genuinely “love myself” the way you described when I was in a relationship and we were, in a way, evenly unavailable for each other. But it somehow got buried deep deep inside me now and I don’t seem to have the strength to bring it back up anymore. I used to enjoy yoga and meditation as a grounding mechanism but as the depression progressed I lost interest in my most favourite things in the world and I no longer have courage to get back into it. I wake up with the thoughts that “I should start doing it again” but never do. I procrastinate, drink too much alcohol at home by myself, don’t want to socialise with friends and just watch TV shows and drink. It feels like a safe and happy space, although I know it’s not a healthy one. I can’t just get up and do it, “snap out of it” like my husband used to say.
I feel like I might have to seek professional help again but at this point it seems like admitting to this problem is a weakness, not a strength and I’m trying to avoid it.

Hi @LittleTiger

@CrazyChick and @tyme have shared great ideas.

You also seem aware.

I do not thjnk a letter to your friends wife/partner will help anyone.

I hope you can approach your friend and ask him what his intentions are.

Are other things in your life working?

Is drinking under control?

Hi @LittleTiger @tyme @CrazyChick

You will decide when the time is right.

You will decide how long you accept his answers.

Sometjmes the partner has no idea.

You sound wise enough to know if he is serious.

Sometimes when we really like or love someone, we have reality blinkers on.

I am glad your drinking is under control.

I heard great reviews about AA if you do that in the future

@LittleTiger

Having your relationship being the only thing that makes you happy is putting a lot of pressure on you to get it working. But there are other parts of your life that are important too. Think of it like a gardener nurturing only the flowers on a rose bush, but when the leaves go yellow and the roots rot with fungal infections the flowers also suffer. So nuture all parts of you using strategies that you know have helped you in the past to thrive.

When we feel really depressed even doing small things can seem impossible. So start with a small goal - perhaps just try one short meditation before you watch TV; or look up a professional who used to help you to see if they are still available; or touch base with a friend by sending them a fun photo or meme they might enjoy. Or if you are feeling more able start a weekend morning with a yoga video; phone or meet with a friend; or look up AA groups in your area or strategies to help you with your drinking. Challenge yourself to do one small thing a day, and if things seem too hard break them down into smaller, more achievable parts. Feel proud of each thing you achieve, however small.

Seeking help is a sign of strength. Seeking help demonstrates your courage to work towards any changes you would like to make. Friends and professionals can help you as you battle your depression and anxiety.