Social issues are hard…

I spoke to my psychologist yesterday and one aspect of the session bothered me.

She said that I struggle with social behaviour. I am definitely confident and outgoing, but I struggle to learn the “rules” of social interaction.

She basically said I shouldn’t talk to strangers. I should meet people through shared interests. She said that if I was to talk to a woman in a cafè, for example, she would automatically see me as a threat. Whereas if you meet someone through shared interests, they are expecting to meet you.

She said that even though it’s unfair, women are scared of me because they don’t know me and assume I’m a threat. I don’t have to agree with it, but I should accept it.

Even when talking to other guys. I mentioned that I was talking to a couple of guys at a bar I went to, when I had a breakdown last month. I talked to them about how I should quit alcohol. They seemed genuinely concerned and didn’t seem to mind my company.

She said that they may have just been “humouring” me. I asked her what “humouring” meant and she said “going along with you, pretending to care so you would eventually leave.” I wouldn’t have been able to recognise the difference between listening and humouring unless it was super obvious.

Work is another example.

She said she would go into more detail about work in the next session, but I develop emotional bonds with my teammates, as if they were friends. You spend eight hours a day with them, you joke with them, you try to make work as fun and comfortable as possible for them… it doesn’t make sense to then turn around and say “you don’t mean anything to me more than just a colleague.” Like you could be well-known and loved among your co-workers, but when you leave the job, you’re history?

That’s a pretty sad world to be in.

I mean I get it. Most people don’t give a […], to put it bluntly. You should find and appreciate those who do. But I like to see a friend in everyone I guess. I mean everyone is a potential friend. Think of the person closest to you. Your partner, or your life mentor.

When you first met, they could have been dismissive to you because you were a stranger, or “just a colleague”, and you wouldn’t have even known each other. That’s pretty scary to me.