I want to run away from home but I am safe

Hey @Sophia1998 ,

That sounds incredible tough for you.

I can 'feel' a sense of oppression in that someone is always arguing with you so that home does no longer have a 'home' feeling? Am I right in saying that?

I haven't read back through all your posts, but do you think your mum is open to you speaking to her about it?

Please know that you are not alone here. We appreciate you sharing this with the community.

I'm also wondering, what was your mother's relationship with her own parent/s? @Sophia1998 Maybe that was traumatic for her too, and that's why she is simply doing what was done to her?

As I said, I really don't know.

Here's a hug for you. I hope you can find some space to detatch from it all.

@Sophia1998

It can be hard living with a parent once you are an adult. But there can be advantages, especially during this rental crisis when finding a place to live can be really difficult and expensive.

If you did move out from your mum's place - what alternatives are you considering? Each of them come with their own disadvantages:

• Renting in a share house - may take a lot of time and effort to find a place; may be expensive; other housemates may be unpleasant to live with
• Couch surfing - staying with friends - may need to move frequently; may not be room to store belongings; may be conflicts with friends you are staying with
• Living in car or on street - can't have many posessions; personal safety risks; risk of having items stolen; challenges accessing basic services such as cooking, toilets, showers, laundry
• Emergency housing - could be moved frequently; may share facilities with many other people
• Public housing - really long waitlists

Maybe it would help you to list what the advantages and disadvantages of your current situation. Be greatful of the advantages & try to find ways to cope better with the disadvantages.

Advantages could include:

• having access to facilities (kitchen/bathroom/laundry), sharing only with mum
• saving money - often cheaper than renting privately even if you are paying rent and contributing to bills
• have a place to store posessions
• sharing household tasks - cooking, cleaning etc.

Disadvantages could include:

• conflict over sharing household tasks
• lack of privacy
• hard to have friends or dates over
• unsolicited advice on how to live your life
• arguing with your mum

I personally found that living with my parents to be difficult, but when I weighed up the advantages and disadvantages, decided that it was still better than the alternatives. Instead of unrealistically thinking that I would move out, I considered ways to minimise the disadvantages & maximise the advantages. I know others who have made adjustments to help them cope. Some ideas that might help:

• Spend more time away from home - such as at a library, park, or with friends. To stay out longer considering packing food that doesn't need heating.
• If sharing a certain household chore is causing conflict - perhaps agree to do your own. So you might do your washing in your own way & your mum can do hers in her way. Or instead of arguing over what you cook, it might work for you each to do your own cooking and washup. Alternatively it could be good to cook for each other on alternate nights.
• Assuming that you each have your own bedrooms, agree that they are private and you won't go into each others unless invited. And if doors are shut it means do not disturb. This can give you a safe space to retreat to undisturbed. You may need to be assertive with this one and let your mum know your boundaries. Eg. "I just need a bit of time by myself right now, but I'll be out later to finish that task, have that discussion..."
• Try to reduce conflict by letting them have their own space - eg. let them use the TV while you use a computer or other device in your bedroom to watch shows. Try to keep your possessions in your room, or neat so they don't impact your mum much.
• Offer little sweeteners sometimes - like offer to do a task she finds it hard to do, or cook a meal that she likes.
• Try to do some shared household chores such as cleaning before it becomes an issue, or let them know when you plan to do it. Eg. "I'll have time this weekend to do some vacuuming and wash the floors"
• Agree to disagree. Eg. if your mum says your choice of clothes suck - then you could say "It's ok that you don't like my choice of clothes, we each have our own preferences. You can wear things you like to wear and I'll wear the things that I enjoy. We don't need to argue about it as that makes us both unhappy".
• Look after your own mental health - stay connected with friends, get some exercise, practice self care.

Good luck