Living with verbal emotional abuse

Hi @Heather, @Kristin has outlined some of the changes of ways required for renogotiating boundaries with our loved ones when they are not talking to us respectfully.

It's not easy, and it takes a lot of practice..so sometimes it's often easier to try new ways of communicating in other relationships rather than the primary relationship where the emotional abuse is occurring.

So, perhaps for example you could practice some of the "I" statements with other people. As an example, if one of your friends or close family members says something that upsets you, perhaps you could say "can I just reflect what you said? When you said I was ... I felt really hurt. I am wondering if I misunderstood your intention?"

So in this manner, you are checking in with the other person as to what they said, then what you thought you heard, and keeping the communicatoin very neutral..this gives the other person to rethink what were they trying to say, did they mean to say it that way, and an opportunity to saiy it differently.

In other words, we are practicing reasonableness by aid and requiring others to be reasonable is an exercise of love.

Heck, I don't mind people telling me the truth, they just have to tell me it in a respectful way or calm way..I don't mind if people tell me things I don't like to hear, because for my own personal development I need to hear objective truth..It is so much easier for people to get along when we treat each other kindly..

Not easy if you've grown up in a family of shouters or have grown into a shouter! It's really tricky too as everyone brings their own vulnerabilities and learned behaviours to relationships..The challenge is navigating how to grow together..

hi kristen

thank u so mch for writing a post. i am having a "bad" day today. i have been threaten if i didnt do what was asked. i stood my ground and walked away but like always im the one in the wrong.....

even thou i know im not i confronted him and said how it is not ok the threaten to hurt me just because u r having a bad day or i didnt do what u wanted me to do right there and then...

i just feel numb .....but dont want my kids to c this.... i am glad i have found this site as being able to share my feelings is helpful.

see ehat happens tonight

thank u

heather

Hi @Heather ,

My heart goes out to you. I admire your courage, and your sense that you're worth better than what you've been receiving. I'm cheering for you.

Thanks so much for being here, and sharing your journey with us.

Best wishes,

Aonaran

You are not alone, I am currently sitting in my car at 5am in a car park as I had to get out of my house. The verbal abuse, gaslighting, threats and outrageous behaviour led me to drive to the local police station, but I couldn't bring myself to actually go inside and do anything about it. I love my boyfriend but I feel that he becomes so unhinged when he drinks that he is no longer the same man I fell in love with. I am hoping he will just fall asleep and I can just go home to sleep. I don't know what else to do.

Hi @AMz it sounds like you're in a terrible situation right now. Please be very cautious out there.

Talking to the local police isn't necessarily going to harm your relationship and I'd encourage you to seek some support there, but if that doesn't feel right for you right now maybe you could get in contact with 1800 Respect about whats just happened and what your next steps might be. You deserve to feel safe.

You can reach 1800 Respect on 1800 737 732 or online at https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome

Hi @AMz ,

Are you safe this afternoon? This situation you're in sounds really difficult and scary. It's understandable though that you are feeling conflicted about what to do next. Please know you're not alone, I'll be sending an email shortly to check in on you too.

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