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Any tips with how to manage stress in a new relationship? I'm in the early stage where I'm idealising and am panicking constantly about screwing things up and coming on too strong. But then I'm also worried that something could happen to turn me off him and I know I can't come back from that once I lose interest in a person. I don't want that to happen with this guy. I'm so scared! <br><br>Info on me: 25 year old female with BPD. Longest relationship has been 4 months. Have now been seeing this guy for 4 months so far and have stressed every single day about how this is all going to be ruined.
All relationships are stressful when you have mental illnesses.... i find regular, honest communication is the best thing. Talk to him and make sure you listen to him as well. Remember your thoughts are not truth, they are just thoughts so unless they are helpful to you they are just words rolling around in your head... good luck i hope you can work out a way to not stress too much! Big hugs xx
In response to: BPD relationship stress
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: BPD relationship stress
@Rubyrockets. Congratulations on this new relationship. I'm guessing that he knows you live with BPD. So that is not a concern. Worrying about and trying to predict the future outcome - especially of relationships - is hard to stop doing. But it sserves no purpose. It doesn't make you happy. It just causes more anxiety and confusion. Would it help if you wrote down exactly what your fears are and then wrote down how to reduce that fear or outcome? For example: I'm worried that I might come on too strong & scare him away. I can take my time getting to know him better. There is no need to rush. If an anxious thought comes up - can you dissect it - so that you can determine if this is a necessary worry or something that you don't need to think about? A friend may be able to help you with trying to focus on 'now'. Or your psychologist / counselor. Remember to breathe.
In response to: BPD relationship stress
pipSenior Contributor
Re: BPD relationship stress
Hi @Rubyrockets. Most relationships go through ups and downs. The new ones are harder till we feel comfortable with each other. Are you in a comfortable position with him, enough to let him know you feel unsure of him and you. It's possible he feels similar to you and neither of you are saying anything for fear of losing each other. Perhaps you could say something like, I feel a bit silly but are you comfortable with me? Is there anything I do to make you feel uncomfortable. If he is unaware of the BPD, perhaps you could start by asking him if he's ever heard of it. Over analysing about what if and maybe is not healthy. Whenever we enter a relationship, no matter what age, there is always doubts and fears that they will end, or we will. As Dinah pointed out, communication is the only way to get things sorted. Are you seeing a counsellor or psych, if you are, perhaps ask them for some direction on how to start communicating.
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