Bead23Casual Contributor
At my wits end.
Hi, i'm 65. Bipolar. I've dealt with this since I was 17. So much of my life has been about self managing horrifying depression and crazy ideas.
In the 1980s when I finally saw a doctor about depression I was, of course, given anti-depressants. No counselling. No follow ups. This was the pattern for years.
Major breakdowns. Failed marriage. Avoiding relationships. Avoiding people. Disastrous job experiences. Alcohol and nicotine addictions. People telling me to 'cheer up' 'Other people are worse off than you." 'You're being self-indulgent'. AND (my personal favourite): 'It's all in your head'.
I was officially diagnosed as bipolar just 5 years ago. I have spent decades not being taken seriously and therefore not being treated. Doctors and shrinks have seriously failed me.
But we all have our horror stories so moving on: I'm fed up. When I was young(er) I could tell myself that whatever part of the cycle I was in it would pass. I would say 'You've been here lots of times. It will get better. Weather the storm, again. You have a future and therefore hope'.
But, now I'm old. Don't have much future left and no hope. It will just get worse and worse as I become older and feebler.
I saw a clinical psychologist this week. I tried to explain the above. She wasn't listening.
She suggested 'grounding' and Yoga and 'mindfulness'. I could've got that crappy (and condescending) advice from any number of internet "mental health" sites.
I would try to see a psychiatrist but its several months before I can get an appointment unless I self harm [edited by moderator] or something.
I need to connect with others who understand. Talk to me, please.
