Trauma re-processing is so fascinating the cruel

I came across term stonewalling 2 days ago , I didn’t exactly know what it meant so I looked it up I almost fell over backwards, every conversation I’ve ever had with my mum was in that description my mum stonewalls me and has my entire life that is where this empty hole that I have inside of me that loneliness feeling that never goes it’s been with me since I was five years old

was in bedded into my core self I can’t believe the realisation of how do I adjust this one description of the word and the floodgates have opened again for me this will be the second time I’ve had a massive download of memory realisation with my Trauma it’s hard because my reality has been torn up again there to much information coming through

My money is the reason why I don’t have a relationship with identical twin sister or my older sister it hurts me so much with what’s coming back how could you do that to identical twins I wish I could reach out to my twin sister and tell her the truth I grieve her so much we have these most beautiful interactions and then she’s torn away from me again and I don’t know why I’m not done and my mum would say to me if you apologise to your sister yet? and I’ll be so confused.

she has held me back my whole life and she’s allowed her child to be heard and continually be her and be completely fine about it isn’t normal in my eyes I’m just venting and it’s helping so much.

.

A lot has come up for me it’s way too much to even mention but I feel it’s fascinating in a different light because I was just curious on what stonewalling meant and just from that one word all this Trauma has come unravelling ready to for me out to process it all and heal.

but how do I navigate my mother …

The brain is so complex , fascinating & cruel

I’m apologising if this doesn’t make sense I’ve dissociated a lot trying to write this but I really want to get this out

thank you for letting me vent xxxxx