Drowning in darkness again

It has been a while since I have had proper work due to severe burnout because of extreme stress and excessive hours, it's a shame it can be so hard to just find that chill switch. If you need to destress I can listen pretty well

Well this does tend to be a rather intense time of year, especially in retail and probably hospitality an on off switch would be helpful for us all I think as for downtime try to get what you can, do you know any meditation and or relaxation techniques ?

I'm in education and have approx 500 assesssments to mark in 2 weeks then 2 weeks to write 500 report cards for my subject. I have got a relaxation app but not great at stopping the never ending thinking I'm afraid.

That does sound rather full on it is hard on the psyche, I likely have a similar app and getting the cyclical thinking for me it can be constant thoughts but it can also be as I have described it as a demented flick book of images, now I try to repeat a single line in my head in an attempt to shut the constant thinking up, it can take time to break the cycle but it can work. I did find that the isochronic tones in my relaxation and meditation app tend to help with that cycle break I try to use it to go to sleep with it tends to help me sleep well sorta.

a flickering candle is also a great resource for drawing focus

I think the worst thing about BPD is the isolation, I too have no friends that I can call on, no family as I have nothing to do with them now (very toxic) and a very stressful workplace. Boy if only we could switch our minds off what a blessing that would be!

Another I try to do when I'm very anxious and down is keep doing something just for the distraction. At my worst times I will still do cleaning or work in the garden. I find if I can do this for atleast 30 minutes before I know it, hours have passed by and I have distracted myself. You will feel better again that is the nature of BPD, I was at my worst ever just a few weeks ago. I really didnt think I would make it and didnt care if I did or not. I still dont know why I'm here but one thing I also keep doing is "putting one foot infront of the other" I dont know if thats a bad thing or a good thing as sometimes we do need time out but I'm just terrified if I stop I wont get going again. That doesnt mean I can switch my brain off but I guess over the years I have become the master at distraction! You also need to be nice to yourself if you cant distract by doing something or watching TV or reading a book doing something as a treat for yourself.

I have also come to realise that us BPD's get very attached to people (even online), I find I always need a break from forums etc because you form friendships and then those people drift off or dont recipricate how you would want and then you start splitting (thinking they are either good or evil) and then you feel bad about yourself. Remember you dont know whats going on in this persons life and it may not be anything against you they may just need some time to themselves. A few months ago I was on another foum mainly American and I have always felt I dont fit in anywhere hence why I dont have friends etc. On this site people were very friendly to each other but lots ignored my comments. When I was feeling really low I blamed this on myself stating I must have upset them somehow or I am bad person and thats why no one likes me etc etc. I emailed the group leader and asked her what her opinion was and what she said made sense "people have their own lives their own worries, what seems like nothing to us maybe huge for them" but in my case it was because they thought it may trigger them" so the reason I thought they were avoiding me had nothing at all to do with what I thought. Just dont blame yourself!

Hoping you feel better today!

Hoping things are going ok and you are allowing for what relaxation you can get around your assessments