Venting about fear

Hi @Jlol

I'm so sorry you're feeling so afraid. It sounds like horrible anxiety and that is not fun at all. There are so many things in life we can't control but we do need to find things that we can control. It's understandable that you feel so fearful.

Do you have any ideas about how you might be able to regain some control over part of your life? Is there something you might be able to take small steps towards that might bring you some joy and comfort in your life, such as a hobby or something you used to be good at?

Being a 35 year old male doesn't make you any less vulnerable to fear and anxiety. You're very brave for sharing how you're feeling and you shouldn't feel ashamed.

Don't forget, you can call the SANE drop in line if you would like to speak to a counsellor. If things escalate with how you're feeling, I would urge you to call crisis support.

Please stay safe and keep reaching out.

Hanami

a 35 yr old man is vulnerable to feelings, too, @Jlol

And that's the thing with MI: it can affect anyone! Particularly grief...

I sometimes fantasise about crawling into a wombat hole and sleeping for a year!

Hi @Jlol,

Firstly vent away - that's one of the reasons the SANE forums are here.

I'm sorry that you are feeling the way you are - it sounds like a lot to sit with. I'm a bit older than you and what life has taught me over the years is that we aren't really in control of much of lives. I know it sounds cliche but when you least expect it life often does change for the better.

I think there is nothing wrong with a person of any age having a good cry. I also think if we are honest most of us are afraid from time to time.

Is there something you have a passion for where you could join a group? That way you could meet like minded people with a central focus (e.g. a photography group). It might be a good way for you to enjoy something you like doing whilst meeting new people.

I wish you all the best.

FloatingFeather

hi @Jlol

Nice to meet you and i am glad you are here and felt the strength to express these thoughts and feelings.

It took strength and I, as well as others see this and thank you. You have come to the right place as others here know exactly how you are feeling.

Firstly, crying is as natural a human action as breathing. You dont stop yourself from breathing, so dont ever worry about crying. Its far less healthy to hold it in, or do the 'Aussie Male' thing of times past of holding it in, denying your emotions etc.

I like crying. It makes me feel the most human.

I had a 20 year white collar career and it devolved into exactly what you said, work, sleep, eat.

Rinse and repeat.

Recognising this is a very healthy step. Took me ages to get to the point where i could recognise it and doing so made a big difference to my mental disposition.

What can be done to break the pattern? ...i wish i had an answer and the answer is different for each of us, just like our fingerprints are unique to each of us.

Can you see if there is a different challenge you can incorporate into your work? ...maybe a new path, either within your job or something that can offer new or renewed purpose?

I was lucky, the universe brought an abandoned baby kitten into my life. I didnt want it, didnt need the grief or commitment. 9 years later and i would be lost without my furry, moody teenager, disguised as a cat.

To have a living entity in my house when i come home and something to think about other than me or my issues has had an unexpectedly positive impact and i am thankful that the universe gave me this gift.

I dont know if my suggestions suit but it doesnt matter. It is more about thinking laterally about things than anything else, and i hope this may have helped you do that even a little bit.

You will be ok mate, regardless of how others seem, we are all battling stuff and you being able to verbalise it here makes you a bit of a champ in my eyes.

Hope you have a good to great rest of the week and you use this site when needed :0)

a 35 yr old man is vulnerable to feelings, too, @Jlol

Why aren't we allowed to express that? I'm so tired of covering things up.

@Jlol you totally are allowed to express the feelings of vulnerability. I have two adult sons and have always encouraged them to express how they feel. I'm so sorry you feel that you can't do that. Is this something you've talked to you psychologist/counsellor about? I think it could be really helpful.

Hanami

You are allowed @Jlol

Cover nothing...

I did that for years. It wasn't until I was too tired to maintain the facade anymore that the truth came out...

A stranger came up to me one day and asked if I was OK?

Uncharacteristically, I said no. I told the truth. And my life is forever changed...

I have received so much help and support since. Made friends. Family. Community.

I still have issues that totally trounce me but I don't hide their impact. I've no need.

You might be surprised! @Jlol

Men may be allowed to talk about vulnerabilities with mental health professionals, but not with anyone else.

Yes, we'd like to believe we live in a society that supports men opening up about mental health issues but the reality is not many people are receptive to it.

Your male friends may look at you like you've got two heads. Your spouse may save it to use against you in the next argument or lose respect for you.

Sure some people are lucky have supportive friends and partners, but they're in the minority.

I was the opposite. Thought it was acceptable to talk about mental health stuff. No one respected me.

Hey @Jlol,

Firstly thank you for sharing. I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to do so.

There's a part of me that wants to say you're not alone. And you're not. But I also know that, despite this being the case, it doesn't necessarily change anything or make us feel any better. Things can still just be... crap.

I've spent a lot of time in feeling similar things (still do). It can be so frustratingly and unrelentingly difficult when so much is so far out of our control.

I don't have a magic wand or a magic pill (trust me, I wish I did) but if you ever want to talk, just say hey.

Take care of yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Rest well.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.