trying to ‘act normal’ literally drove me crazy.

Hey there @daisyp ,

Sitting with you on this post ❤️ That sounds like a lot to go through at the moment, and what you've experienced is a lot to deal with by yourself. I see that you mentioned that you used to see a doctor and a psychologist. Is this something that you still do? Or would this be beneficial for you to start up again?

Let me know what you think,
Amber22

@amber22 hey,

i did see someone when i was about 21 i’m now 27 i just wanted to be normal i didn’t want to have to take medication my whole life and i wanted to hide my illness from other wools and most of the time that worked. and i haven’t had an

’episode’ in about a year until this trigger. and it made me realise i’m not normal and i do have a mental illness and i do need medication and therapy.

but i just recently moved to another state 3 months ago so i tried to get a referral from my doctor but i was on hold for too long and just gave up. i was i ready at that time and i could make the call. but now i don’t think i can

That's totally understandable, sometimes waiting so long can make you lose some of the motivation to want to get help, which is really hard in this day because of such long waiting lists to see someone @daisyp

However there are some really great helplines and spaces where you can reach out while you are waiting to hear back from a mental health professional.

We have our SANE drop in line where you can call for a chat about what you're going through here.

Also, if you click here, there are some more mental health services that you can pick from to give a call or send a Webchat to in the meantime as well.

Would reaching out for some informal support be helpful too? Maybe from trusted people in your life like friends or family, or other helplines? I think it would be a great idea to see a mental health professional as well, but while you are waiting it is important to highlight how much informal supports can help us in our everyday lives too!

Hey @daisyp,

I just wanted to stop by to let you know you're not alone and I hear you. I imagine that kind of ‘out of body’ or depersonalised/ dissociated experience you're describing is quite distressing and frustrating and I'm sorry it's something you've had to go through. It's so hard also when there are barriers to receiving the help you deserve and it's harder to access it now that it may be more needed/ important. I wonder if there might be an alternative way that feels more accessible right now to access that help- for example a support person that could assist you or another mechanism like email you could reach out through? these are both things that I can find more accessible for myself to reach out for the support I need when I am struggling.

I'm also going to tag a few members who may be able to relate and/or offer some kind words or other insights @BPDSurvivor @Fluttershy1 @Judi9877 @ShiningStar

In the meantime, wishing you whatever strength and courage you may need to get through. Take good care,

TideisTurning 🌹

Hi @daisyp

I just wanted to reach out to welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through a life time of trauma and as I listened to this part of your story, I can really hear the detrimental impact that this has had (and continues to have) on your life 💜

In my experience, living with trauma can be an incredibly lonely, scary and confusing place to be and as such, I’m just so pleased that you reached out to us here for support 💜

I can really appreciate your sense of confusion in terms of how dissociation ‘makes you strong’ - especially when (as you described so well) it can wreak absolute havoc in so many different areas of people’s lives.

Although I don’t have a simple or straightforward answer to your question (I really wish that I did 💜) I just wanted to take a moment to share some of my thoughts with you, in the hope that something that I share may be helpful 💜

In my experience, although the word strong is often kindly meant and one of the ways that people express their awe and amazement in terms of what people have lived through and / or are living through, there are definitely times when this word feels dismissive, as it fails to acknowledge all of the invisible challenges that are often part and parcel of living with trauma.

As such, the distress, turmoil and chaos that so often goes hand in hand with dissociation is never fully recognised and as a result, our ability to ‘survive’ and put one foot in front of the other is completely misunderstood as it becomes lumped under the banner of people being strong 💜

When I dissociate I feel anything but strong and instead, I feel scared, disorientated and vulnerable. There have also been times when I’ve felt a profound sense of despair, frustration and powerlessness, as this is something that I can’t control.

Although I don’t feel that dissociation is something that makes me strong (it’s a survival response that helps to protect us from threat and danger 💜) I definitely believe that it’s something that takes an enormous amount of strength to live with 💜

As I listened to your story, I can really hear how deeply you’ve been impacted by everything that’s been happening to you and as such, I just wanted to share some information about an organisation called Blue Knot, just in case you felt that some additional support would be helpful for you at this time 💜

Basically, Blue Knot provides support for adults who have experienced childhood trauma and abuse 💜

One of the ways that they provide support is through the Blue Knot Helpline 💜

This particular Helpline is staffed by specialist trauma counsellors who provide short term counselling support, information and referrals for people who are looking for ongoing support.

I’ve contacted the Helpline on several occasions and I’ve always had a really positive experiences, where I felt listened to, validated and supported 😊

If this is something that you feel may be helpful for you, you can contact the Helpline on: 1300 657 380.

They operate Monday to Sunday (including public holidays) from 9.00am until 5.00pm AEST.

You can also email them at: helpline@blueknot.org.au

In addition to the above, they also provide a wealth of resources and information in relation to topics such as understanding trauma and abuse, self-care and coping strategies 💜

I’ve just provided the link to their website below in case you would like to explore this further:

https://blueknot.org.au/

There are definitely days when reaching out for support can take everything that we have and as such, I can really appreciate how uncertain you’re feeling in relation to being able to reach out to your doctor again 💜

Just from what you’ve shared, I got the overwhelming sense that connecting with them is something that will play an incredibly important part in enabling you to receive the care and support that you need and as such, I just ever so gently wondered how you’re feeling about this today?

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @daisyp that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

I really hope that this helps you a little bit and please know that you’re always welcome to reach out to us here whenever you need to 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜