Drug addicts in the family

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking to vent, to be honest, but if you have an opinion on this, or have gone through this please let me know! I'm feeling really alone in the situation...

I've grown up in a house with an alcoholic father, who is now sober (which is awesome!). Both of my parents smoked lots of weed (my mum stopped), and my brother was addicted to some kind of steroids, it was just a huge mess. My childhood life had lots of ups and downs, I always knew that my family loved me and still does. I myself have never had an addiction, however, I'd like to say that I fully understand the reason why people partake in such behaviors.... though maybe I don't really.

I feel like I'm pretty healed from the situation, but I now have a partner of 6 years that's an addict himself. I really don't know why the universe does this to me! (Though I would never blame myself for people's actions so it's not like that.)

My partner has been addicted to H for over 10 years.. when we first got together, for some reason I just didn't really think it was a big deal, as he said he was in recovery yada yada, and I just blindly believed him. I think I'm also just scared of being alone, and I love love, and I liked him, so we just developed a relationship. Then, the 3rd time I found out about a relapse, I decided that I was going to start constantly checking his bank account, got him to install an app to see where he was going at all times, and honestly it's exhausting because I was always the bad guy in the relationship that had to be stern and the grown up.

I don't WANT to be that person, I want to be the free spirit I was before we met, happy and sociable, but I became an angry hurt person, but I can't let go of trying to help my partner. I just found out last night that he's been using again, with cash from places that I won't mention,(because I was always monitoring his bank account..) and I'm so devastated. His family was all so angry as well, and I even got into a blue with his brother because he was so angry and super disrespectful towards my partner. Doesn't he realize that I'm also the victim here? Not to put down his feelings, but I've lived with, eaten with, and done everything with this person for the last 6 years, but he tells me to stay out of it because it's 'family business' ... It makes me soo angry!

Sometimes I feel like maybe my inner child is trying to jump out of my body and heal my partner because I could never help my dad, and the guilt that comes with having an alcoholic parent is really traumatic.

Anyway, we've decided to get him into rehab ASAP. This is the last chance I can give him. It hurts so much that he lied to me, and he lied so easily, I feel so horrible, I don't think I've ever felt so horrible in my entire life...

I had to call in sick to work, I can't even function. I just want this to all be the past, I just keep trying to have a nice happy life and something always destroys me

Aaaanyway.. We don't have heaps of money, so are looking for a rehab that won't cost an arm and a leg, but is also helpful, I've heard there are free rehabs, but I don't know if that's the best option.

Thanks for reading my vent.. if anyone does get through all of that lol.