Gillie1Senior Contributor
Too soon.
I had the urge to try and resolve something that would let me keep going. I made an appointment for tomorrow and organised to catch up with a friend and troubleshoot how to talk about stuff. I like to be proactive but it's just too soon.
I don't know if or when I'll be ready or if it's even worth trying. When no one is honest about what is happening there is no path forward. At least I was able to talk it through with someone who gets it. I've cancelled my appointment. I'm trying to keep my options open but it all seems too big too scary too unknown.
Trauma just sits in me these days like a poisonous snake in my guts. and anything triggers it, I have this sense that no professional in my life these days has ever actually met me because they have just met the trauma and the label others put on it. And in meeting my trauma some feed it by not seeing beyond it. But I'm not currently able to function without them. The support workers I have now have been great but I still get a feeling that they have never actually met me for any extended period of time. They have just met my trauma.
One day I would like to say hello It's me under here. Pleased to meet you.