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ClockFaceSenior Contributor
I think Im starting to get a handle on the forum a bit more and figure that I could start my own thread for my babble rather than filling up the feed and others posts not get their appropriate time on the notice board.
Ill still post some stuff normal but most Ill post here.
In response to: Malens Babble
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
In response to: My life with anxiety
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
Woke at 2am and tonight anxiety was the cause. My sister is coming home tonight after I dont know how long in hospital this time. My mind cant keep falling back to questioning how long before she tries again? Will she be successful this time? Its not that I dont have faith in her, I dont have faith in her illness.
The BS with my Mum last night lingers on, we had to hide the car and the keys from her and I am just waiting for her to drag Kristal into it. I mean it wont take long for it to 'come up' in converstation, even with the guy bringing my sister home. I should explain that a guy from the suicide prevention group she is working with is bringing her home, which sounds weird but she is really anxious about coming home, really gets on well with the guy and it might make the transition a bit easier
Lastly, I have an appointment with Outback and Country Health. Doesnt sound much but its a new person to meet, which I find hard but I dont fully understand the service so Im not sure what I am walking into. It makes me pretty anxious as to what services they can or will provide and what I am going to have to talk about.
Annoyingly its now 6am, which means my reminders on my phone are going off around every 10 minutes. It also means its too early for me to go back to bed and try and get some more sleep before the meeting.
In response to: A is for Anxiety
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
Ive had a few "Karen" videos come up in my Facebook Watch feed and its made me think about kindness. "Karen's" are an extreme but there seems to me to be an overall lacking in kindness in society. From people cutting you off driving, to standing in the middle of the isle so you cant get past either way, being kind and curteous of others seems to be in short supply and even tolerated as thats just what society is like now days.
Now Im not perfect but people who have read my posts would likely agree that it could be understood if I were less than kind and curteous. I dont profess to be a shining beacon a Jesus of grace and mercy, I have my moments where Im less than kind and curteous. But there is a difference between being kind and curteous and being walked over.
I have had people cut me off in the supermarket, I struggle to walk so its a bit of a deal, and once one said sorry, as she did it. I responded by saying "No you're fn not, or you wouldnt have done it". I have a company I am working with at the moment trying to get a psychiatrist and its been ongoing for weeks and I simply cant get an appointment, I havent been rude but I have been direct my communications trying to get a resolution.
I suppose what I am trying to say is dont be rude, dont be discourtious, dont be entitled but dont let yourself be abused and walked over. You can stand up for yourself, you can be direct and you can be honest but you can do all that in kindness.
The more people that do things in kindness, by choice, we can change the world for the better. Dont use your circumstances to dictate how you interact with the world around you
In response to: Being kind is a choice
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
Today I had my first meeting with Country and Outback Health. It was mainly forms and crap. A bit of a chat, very brief overview of my life, no detail as such. They are going to support me getting onto the NDIS, I want to get some kinda report from both my pain specialist, if my pain were to continue and in particular from the Psychiatrist to support my application. Along with that they are going to get me involved with an organisation called GROW, it sounds like a club for mental health sufferers. Im not the most social of people but it might be worthwhile
My sister came home today, she got home while I was with Country and Outback Health which was disappointing but the guy from Anglicare was still here and we all had a chat, though Mum decided to come down and then carried on about interupting the conversation, this is after making Dad move, then me move to make a cup of tea, then a carry on when she was coming back. Yes she was interupting but no one cared, then she had to whisper and carry on with my sister while people were talking next to my sister and next to her. So making a bit of a spectical, which again no one paid any attention to except my sister. Eventually she up and left. The guy from Anglicare said that it was a move to size him up, see if she could control him.
Much of my Mums actions are about controlling others, Im not into it at all but my Sister and Dad fall for it a bit more. But they are getting better and committed to getting better at not allowing themselves to be controlled.
The funny thing about my sister comming home is I forgotten how much she talks and interupts, shes worse than my Dad. Ill be for instance writing on here and Ill get regular small questions or comments. But I am glad to have her home. We got safes for all the medication and everythings been locked up now.
I was pretty anxious about today, I woke up at 2am freaking out about my sister coming home, the shit with Mum and the apointment today but all went well or as well as could be expected.
Im pretty testy today, short fuse. Think its the early start to the day
In response to: Country and Outback Health
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
As previously stated today is my sisters first day home from a month in Hospital. She needed Iced Coffee so we went into town. Mum wanted a burger so we got that no biggie but while my sister was in Woolies my Mum tried to call her, she declined the call, so Mum rang me. She wanted me to get my sister to take out another $40 (She has spent thosands of my sisters money) and for us to go get some shoes that Dad had already said no to.
I was calm and said it wants going to happen and got that I had to start watching how I spoke to her and my reply was something along the lines of she needed to stop asking stupid questions.
I rang Dad and told him what had happened and he actually went down and talked to her, got her side of the story which confirmed what I had said, she saw no issue with what she had done. Dad was unhappy and expressed that, which is rare for him. So I was very happy and proud of him for doing so he just needs to keep it up.
I remained calm, I didnt want to, I wanted to lose my mind. She shouldnt be getting asked fullstop but her first day, like hours in your more worried about some shoes than your daughters life. I dont know how to get through to her how close we are to losing her or that she is a big part of why. I mean the latter is for my sister but how can she not see that she needs to pull her head in
In response to: Absolutly wild
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
I will be resubmitting my application for NDIS in a while. The support service I met with today is going to help. Ill need to get a report from my psychiatrist once I have one and if the pain is permanant then one from my pain specialist.
Just based on the the mental side what sorta services could I get, should I go for.
In response to: NDIS
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
HOLY SHIT what a Fn day
So this morning I had an appointment with my regular GP. Part of it was about pain medication, as Ive said before its strong stuff and they are concerned about prescribing it (more on that in a minute). She wants to review my meds, potentially do blood tests etc and a pharmacy review to try and work out any interactions and more importantly whats stopping what from working as they both work in the same area or something. Sounds good to me, if I can be treated with less medication Im happy with that, will cost me less too.
Asked about a new referral to same Psychiatrist but with different company. She said she was going to wait until I have the one off Psychiatrist appointment on Friday and get the report so she can pass on relevant information. Makes sense but it also means it will take longer for me to get in to the Psychiatrist as we could wait a week to get the report and its a month until I can see my GP, though on a cancellation list. So it could be a long time until I actually see a Psychiatrist on the regular.
Then it came to the Pain Specialist so turns out Im one of the rare cases where there are 2 sources of pain in the spine and treating the SI Joint revealed that there was something wrong with the facet joint so now I am waiting on an appointment to have injections to work out whats wrong there. The next available is in August, but they are trying to get more time in an operating theater but yeah its gonna be a long wait. In the mean time Im to keep taking the strong pain killers.
I dont like the pain killers, it makes me drowsy after taking a couple, but Im a bit diminished before hand, Im often up in the middle of the night in pain so I have pain killers then (Im allowed) so even when I have my first for the day its compounded by my over night.
Next problem is doctor shopping, getting into a doctor where I go is hard, like an appointment with my GP to book today is over a month away, so you kinda get who you get but with this pain killer they dont like you going from doctor to doctor, even if its in the same clinic. So I need to see the same doctor every 3 or 4 days preferrably one that has already prescribed the pain killers. Rang the practice and explained the situation and I got one appointment and told to talk to him about what I can do, there is some drug of dependancy form so maybe that will work.
Im kinda worried about being on this pain killer for a really long time because its addictive and I have addiction problems. Though its different to getting addicted to alcohol, your doing it to yourself and you are drinking more and more for the same buzz. Im taking the same dose everyday, so if I get addicted to it, it's not my fault.
I dont like the idea either because I dont like the stuff, I dont like the feeling of not being in control or being impaired. Like I hate not being able to write on here or doing an email because Im so drowsy.
In response to: Doctors/Pain Specialist/ Doctor Shopping
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
To paint you a bit of a picture we have a kitchen/dining room set up. The dining room has a dining room table one side is my sisters, the other is mine. Thats where I am now. I have 3 tablets on stands, 1 I rarely use (got to get a fast charger for it), I got my main tablet, the one Im working on now, then I have another tablet for media. I got other stuff about the place but mainly the tablets.
Heres the problem, My sister wants to say sentances randomly, like she is thinking a conversation in her head and then randomly verbalises it and expects you to know what she is talking about. Thats is frustrating as hell but its more annoying the random interuptions, that are somewhat frequent while Im trying to do stuff on the main tablet, like writing on here. Its hard enough with the drowsy and wonky feeling from the pain killers. Then Dad comes in and randomly puts in his input in.
I just want to sit quietly with the media playing and do what ever Im doing.
In response to: Doctors/Pain Specialist/ Doctor Shopping
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
To paint you a bit of a picture we have a kitchen/dining room set up. The dining room has a dining room table one side is my sisters, the other is mine. Thats where I am now. I have 3 tablets on stands, 1 I rarely use (got to get a fast charger for it), I got my main tablet, the one Im working on now, then I have another tablet for media. I got other stuff about the place but mainly the tablets.
Heres the problem, My sister wants to say sentances randomly, like she is thinking a conversation in her head and then randomly verbalises it and expects you to know what she is talking about. Thats is frustrating as hell but its more annoying the random interuptions, that are somewhat frequent while Im trying to do stuff on the main tablet, like writing on here. Its hard enough with the drowsy and wonky feeling from the pain killers. Then Dad comes in and randomly puts in his input in.
I just want to sit quietly with the media playing and do what ever
In response to: Need a moment
ClockFaceSenior Contributor
So I did post about some of this earlier. Im still feeling like shit on a stick. 5 months until the next procedure, which means that Dad has to look after all my chores, help wash my clothess etc. and he has enough to do. So Im just piling on to Dad's work load not helping him and that makes me feel like crap. I mean this procedure was supposed to end the pain, now Im even further behind as Im in more pain and the pain specialist wasnt like its this or that its lets do this and go from there. Im not pissed at the pain specialist but im really ticked off.
The whole Psychiatrist thing slows down my return to work. Im seeing a psychiatrist on Friday which might help but I think I need to be seeing a regular Psychiatrist before I go back to work, one session and maybe some meds changes isnt going to solve thee issue long term.
So slowing down my return to work and when I do go back to work it will have to be reduced hours because of the whole Oxycodone issue. Im not happy
I cant get my shit together mentally or physically, I dont feel like Im worth much at all.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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