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Introduction

Month04Casual Contributor26 Mar 2023, 11:24 pm AEDT

Introduction

I am not sure where to start. But I am caring for a teenage girl who is depressed and has lots of past/current trauma (which I won't go into details about so please don't ask). My problem is that she is exhausting. Constantly negative, almost everything I suggest is knocked back or she finds some way to make me feel awful for even suggesting something. I am the only one in her life truly supporting her, getting her medical help and decent counselling, schooling that works for her. And I have no back up. Her friends can't deal with her now mostly, I suspect for the same reason I struggle. One of my friends who used to take her for a weekend doesn't understand why she can't just get over her lifetime of trauma instantly now we have fixed some things. I am getting triggered due to going through some hard stuff myself in the last few years and my own mental health issues. We both have counselling and I will be linking her to a trauma informed counsellor soon. But I have no idea how we will manage in the meantime as this is not going to be a quick fix. She has major trust issues and pushes everyone away sometimes for very minor things. This includes me. I know it's not about me but I'm so tired of dealing with it solo. I do have friends but I mostly interact over Messenger or text due to numerous crises and appointments we have had. Meeting with friends even when it happens I feel like I am the one who vents now. I don't want to be that way, just want to go out and enjoy myself. It affects my work

, my health and so on. Any tips appreciated.

2 replies

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In response to: Introduction

hanamiSenior Contributor27 Mar 2023, 1:01 pm AEDT

Re: Introduction

Hi there @Month04

Welcome to the forums!

Your story sounds so tough. I'm sorry to hear you going through all this. Really really must be so hard. I'm wondering if you have been in contact with some of the carer's organisations? I'll pop the links down below as it's so important you can get some support in this situation.

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/

https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

I hope some others can chime in and offer some tips and advice.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

In response to: Introduction

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor27 Mar 2023, 4:28 pm AEDT

Re: Introduction

Hi @Month04,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE.

My heart goes out to you and the girl you are caring for. Being a carer can be a very lonely, misunderstood and isolating experience. I get what you are going through a little as I have been an emotional carer for a close family member who has a serious mental health diagnosis for the past 20 years. During this time they have become more socially isolated so that I am now pretty much they only person they talk to / trust outside their professional team. That is a lot of responsibility - particularly if you have your own issues going on such as your own mental health concerns.

I agree with @hanami and would encourage you to reach out to the organisations suggested by them. I would also encourage you to prioritise yourself and your needs first because you really can't `drink from an empty cup'. I know that this is easier said that done but what I have learned over the years as a carer is that despite our best efforts we can only do so much, be so much, help so much, etc. As much as we would like to wave a magic wand and make things better for the people we care about it's just not really possible.

I do think it is good that she will be meeting up with a trauma counsellor soon. I also think it is good that you are getting counselling support too but it sounds like you need more the day to day support. Can you ask the counsellor / GP / school counsellor/ local community centre if there know of any resources available to help?

There is an organisation called Reachout Australia which is an anonymous online organisation for younger people to get support and meet peers that maybe in similar situations. I will add the link here just in case the teenage girl you care for may be interested in - Reachout Australia. There is also a section for parents / carers.

I really feel for you both and understand when it comes to trauma, particularly when it is with a younger person it is really important how we approach things - but I also understand that somethings are just too much for one person to handle alone so please reach out for support. Even just having someone to talk to that really listens can be helpful.

On an aside SANE is having something called Topic Tuesday this coming Tuesday (5.30pm to 7pm) which is basically a live text chat. This Topic Tuesday is around being a carer and what that may entail - I have add a link here if you are interested Topic Tuesday (just in case you are interested).

Warm regards,

FloatingFeather

PS. Just a couple of tips that may help you on the forums:

Tip 1 - if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

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