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How do I stop being so insecure

ImproveNew Contributor02 Nov 2016, 4:07 pm AEDT

How do I stop being so insecure

Hi, so I'm in my early twenties and have a very hard time trusting people, my current girlfriend is fantastic, I love her to bits. But I can't help but feel insecure, I never have a good reason, but I feel terrible over the smallest of things, for example sometimes if she doesn't reply to me straight away I'll worry.

She knows this to a small degree and tries her best to support me, but I've had to hide it from her, I can't go unreasonably accusing her of things when she hasn't done anything wrong in the first place. I think it's more a problem with myself than our relationship.

I used to be very a very lonely, depressed and anxious person, I'm sure that has something to do with it, I'm a lot better now, hence why I now have a girlfriend, but I still get unreasonably distressed over nothing when it comes to her. Some days I can compose myself by just telling myself I'm worrying over nothing, and other days I can't help but want to lie in bed in agony and not get anything done.

Thanks.

4 replies

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In response to: How do I stop being so insecure

PokemongirlContributor03 Nov 2016, 2:53 am AEDT

Re: How do I stop being so insecure

Hi @Improve, welcome to the forum. I'm fairly new myself.

congratulations on being in a relationship, I commend you that despite your perceived issues of yourself, you are still giving a relationship a go. I know some people will just not 'go there' as it is easier...

There's a few things. 1) You already seem to be quite good at examining yourself, so good job at catching yourself to acknowledge that you are worried but there may not be anything wrong with her not replying straight away...... believe me, me at 40 I still catch myself worrying, and other 'normal' people I know also have fought over SMS not being replied instantaneously. It is the curse of the 21st century, SMS are sent instantly but there's no way knowing whether the receivers have read it (except some technologies) or then convenient for them to reply (ie in class, in meeting, at work, DRIVING! etc etc)...So, just try to work on trusting your girlfriend that she will respond as soon as she is able (of course you may discuss this with her). I tell all my friends especially new ones that - as I am not a slave to my ph, but I respond as soon as I'm able...... so good job with dealing with a little quite normal anxiety and still keep a levelhead.

2) geez, you are still rather young and at early in your life course. You will most likely make mistakes sometimes and you will learn from it. Remember, even if you do make mistakes, be kind to yourself and be kind to her (ie those who loves you). That's right, 'accusing before facts' are not cool and of course you gonna 'hide' (how about another word - spare) it from her. This is also love. We are all still learning about love. You are doing fantastically!!!

Of course, never stop learning about yourself, and improve yourself. Be kind to yourself and give love to those who derserve ❤️❤️❤️

In response to: How do I stop being so insecure

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 Nov 2016, 11:51 am AEDT

Re: How do I stop being so insecure

Hi @Improve and @Pokemongirl

Welcome to the forums, both of you .... 😊

@Improve, I have adult kids your age, and I can tell you your self-confidence will improve naturally with growth and life experience, but there are things you can do to help things along ....

There is so much information available now to support self-confidence and anxiety issues, and I would suggest you start with these. You can develop strategies and positive, encouraging self-talk that over-rides shyness and untoward fears.

If you don't want to do this alone, you can see your gp about recommending a psychologist. Much of the work of psychologists is just like the gp ..... you can go to them for a tickle in the throat, right through to something severe. Many people don't realise that about psychologists and counsellors ..... they are there for the smaller issues and lifestyle advice as well.

I am out and about st the moment, but I will try to post a couple of links later re improving your self-talk and self-confidence, overcoming shyness and froundless worry.

Take care ....

🌷💜 F&H

In response to: How do I stop being so insecure

Unknown userMember03 Nov 2016, 12:16 pm AEDT

Re: How do I stop being so insecure

Hi there @Improve,

Nice to meet you, it sounds like what you are experiencing is maybe some anxiety and like you said you are quite aware of it and the more you allow yourself to ruminate over those negative thoughts the more powerful they become, the mind is so interesting! You sound very self aware and insightful so maybe it's a matter of making yourself something nice and replacing those thoughts with something more helpful and positive when you notice the worrying start to happen.

I think smart phone's have a lot to answer for when it comes to anxiety levels and relationships with others, although there are some great mindful apps (haha) to use like Smiling Mind which may help when your feeling anxious?

Take care of yourself,

Lunar

In response to: Re: How do I stop being so insecure

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 Nov 2016, 2:55 pm AEDT

Re: How do I stop being so insecure

Hi @Improve

Have a look at this -

http://au.reachout.com/what-is-self-talk

🌷💜

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