Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

Hey @tonys,

That's a great point about the link between feelings of inadequacy and perfectionism. It hadn't occurred to me before, but it makes a whole heap of sense, and I'd say there is likely a big correlation there! Especially when you consider that inherent in perfectionism (at least from my own understanding and experience), is comparison and comparing yourself to others. Because, how does one define 'perfect'? Perhaps by the appearances or perceptions of others' supposed 'perfections' as you've described. Kinda reminds me of that adage nowadays of the tendency with social media to compare our bloopers reel to others' highlights reel, which often leads to feelings of inadequacy as a result of comparison to another's apparent/ perceived perfection. Which then begs the question for me, what actually is 'perfect'? And, can it really be defined?

I can't figure whether your a teacher , a lawyer, or a cop. . . All 3 are trained to tease out

the substance of the matter, and there's some training showing through. I bet you've done some damn fine teaching in your time.

Any way.. as you know , Its very hard for me to think on this plain, and as my phycologist said a few weeks ago. I default to black and white thinking. So Its much appreciated that you are "working" me.

What is perfection you ask. Your not going to like this. I think perfection , is that which emerges as a clear winner in the billion year competition of evolution.

What was not perfect. failed to adapt to change, reproduce, and succeed. The animals on my farm identify the week, and wont mate with them.

I dont want to chew up pages so Please , please , forgive my bluntness, Your smart so you get this is just observation evidence. It is a fact that on average people with certain facial geometrics, hight, looks etc. are more likely to be promoted , be successful,

More than 51% of the population thinks this way and thats all it takes to, over time inflence

statistics.

Go to a bar. tall sportsmen will attract, more attention than the 4 ft 6 fat bald guy with an IQ of 99. Yes people will quote me all sorts of examples. but I did say , on average.

Chopper reed used to average 20,000, In gaol , letters a year from females seeking an alpha dominant strong tall male.

A good honest phycologist said to me once, Life Is not Fair, never will be, Worth every cent I paid her.

To get the right answers we must ask the right questions. Why Is it so hard for people in the work place to surrender power. Why do C E O s and governments, not work overtime to ensure its totally impossible for someone to feel inadequate.

Competition. . It's inherent. Thats why the labour party had to have quota's. It the only way they could beat back pure animal instinct.

So Its cruel and hard to accept, but, . life is not fair, We are animals only kept appart by RULES and punishments. .

that barely keep us from eating each other alive , in workplaces, traffic lanes, and domestic violent homes, And the sooner we come to terms with this, the sooner we will learn to take what what we were given in the lottery of life, or not given. and some how mentally digest it.

Nature. animals. instincts, pack mentality, competition within species,

and with other

species. Make it more complex than this and I think we are expecting too much.

8 billion one hundred thousand and counting. . .

Thankyou for your patience and helping me to start thinking about life beyond the farm again. Take care of yourself @TideisTurning and others on the thread,

tonys moonbase 1

That is a really interesting theory @TideisTurning and actually makes a lot of sense. I heard someone say once that `imposter syndrome' was as case of `fake it til you make it'.

I would imagine if someone is a perfectionist they may always feel like `imposter syndrome' is lurking because I think perfection is something a perfectionist is always aspiring to but never really feels like they have attained it.

Hi @tonys,

Firstly, thank you for the compliment. I’m glad I’ve been able to help prompt and challenge you to expand your thinking. 😊

The evolutionary angle isn't one that occurred to me either, but again it makes sense. I also like your point about life generally not being necessarily ‘fair’. From these two points, it seems to me that perfectionism may be something that one strives for. I feel like the link between perfectionism and impostor syndrome can feed into this as well, because as you've mentioned @FloatingFeather, perfectionism can be something of an aspirational goal that someone can be striving towards, and it seems the definition changes, so just when you think you've attained perfectionism it has a new or updated definition and you’re still not quite there yet. A super frustrating cycle!

Hi All,

As another potential illustration of imposter syndrome, and potentially perfectionism, you might like to check out Lewis Capaldi's recent documentary (trailer here) and his song of the same name (which has been on heavy rotation for me for a little while). The documentary particularly touches on themes of anxiety and imposter syndrome among other things. One thing I got out of the documentary, among other things, is that someone as successful as Lewis Capaldi, struggles with anxiety and imposter syndrome, so I thought I'd mention both here in case it was of interest to anyone from that perspective particularly, though be warned, both the song and documentary contain a bit of swearing and explore mental health related themes that may be triggering for some. Tagging those who've interacted with this thread and/or the 'learning to live with anxiety' thread just in case 😊 @FloatingFeather @tonys @hanami @Shaz51 @Snowie @Captain24 @Appleblossom @CatMom