I'm trying to stay positive but...

I feel this immense pain in my heart and trauma in my body that sucks me down to oblivion very quickly.

I have people who care but...

the stress is too great for them,

or they don't get it,

they just feel helpless to change anything,

or they just have their own crap to deal with.

I don't want to be around people when I feel this bad but I'm desperate for connection for someone to really get it at the same time. It doesn't matter how many people care, In essence, I face this journey alone.

I know I have to do my own mothering and comforting for myself but it's exhausting.

I don't want to adult.

I don't want to keep getting up each day and find something to keep myself going.

I don't want to have to manage my emotions all the time.

I don't want to keep fighting to live and be myself.

Someone called me brave the other day. That seems like B.S. to me I'm just doing what I have to do when there are no other options.

Life sucks and I'm angry with it tonight.