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Seriously had enough

Loz_3647Senior Contributor18 Mar 2023, 9:30 pm AEDT

Seriously had enough

Content/trigger warning

i am disgusted with myself for eating what I have and now I feel extremely fat. My skin is terrible and I just want to rip my face off. My hair is p*ssing me off and I feel like shaving it off. I am so angry with myself. I am sick of myself and my BPD. Constantly splitting, being 'matter of fact', being emotionally disregulated etc. I mask it all (most of it as best as I can) and internalise so much!! It is tearing me apart inside. But nobody around me gets it. They expect me to be like them. On top of that I'm being constantly reminded of my past. Flashbacks, nightmares, memories. It doesn't stop. Everything is getting to me. Ive had SH hanging over me and I've resisted as much as I can but I honestly need that release. I need to show myself how P*ssed off I am with myself. And tbh that's not the only reasons why. Its everything. My head is spinning. It's overwhelming. It's intense. It's lonely and isolating. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of my life. If people knew they were going to loose you, then maybe, just maybe, they would treat you a lot different. I wish people could see how they hurt others (intentional or not). I need some help, I know I do, but there is no support. I need medication. I need therapy. I need to know what is actually wrong with me. I'm screaming inside. I'm breaking.

ive seriously had enough of myself.

11 replies

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In response to: Seriously had enough

Kyle1Senior Contributor18 Mar 2023, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

@Loz_3647

So sorry to hear of your continuing pain and crumbling.

🫂😔

In response to: Seriously had enough

SANE-AdminAdministrator18 Mar 2023, 9:51 pm AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

In response to: Seriously had enough

PeregrinefalconSenior Contributor18 Mar 2023, 9:52 pm AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

Hey @Loz_3647

I can hear how brutal that inner critic voice is being tonight. It can be so incredibly loud and hard to ignore, especially when we are already feeling vulnerable.

Is there anything you find helps to "shut it up"? No one deserves to have that bullying voice.

If you feel like talking it out would help, please do not hesitate to call

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 657 467

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

Sitting here with you 💛

In response to: Re: Seriously had enough

Loz_3647Senior Contributor18 Mar 2023, 10:36 pm AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

Nothing shuts it up. It just gets louder and I end up hating myself more. Not that I think I can help myself more. Online services are no help rn.

In response to: Re: Seriously had enough

Loz_3647Senior Contributor18 Mar 2023, 10:36 pm AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

What does that mean?

In response to: Re: Seriously had enough

Kyle1Senior Contributor19 Mar 2023, 7:39 am AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

oh, dear... 🫂

@Loz_3647

Please keep in touch. 💚

In response to: Seriously had enough

Kym4New Contributor19 Mar 2023, 10:26 am AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

I feel like this at times.

In response to: Re: Seriously had enough

tymeModerator19 Mar 2023, 10:35 am AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

Hi @Kym4 ,

We hear how difficult it is for you at times.

Do you have any supports you can speak to?

In response to: Seriously had enough

tymeModerator19 Mar 2023, 10:50 am AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

Hi @Loz_3647 ,

Seems like it's this same vicious cycle going around constantly. What HAVE you tried in order to help yourself?

Have you been able to get in touch with SANE's Guided Service to get an extra padding of support? https://www.sane.org/referral

There IS help out there.

In response to: Re: Seriously had enough

Kym4New Contributor19 Mar 2023, 10:56 am AEDT

Re: Seriously had enough

I have a remote therapy psychologist I speak with and have an appointment tomorrow we will be discussing diagnosis. Her first idea is to complete a Asperger's checklist although I feel I relate to BPD and have been told It could be something to consider. I have recently been told by my GP that I need to workout my childhood issues etc as I only come to my GP and get angry with her response to my mental health and then withdrawal from help. I am changing my GP as she is not trained in mental health and ignores my concerns as it's like she doesn't want to venture into that side of medical science. I have no family or friends and only stay by my partners side. I have three children at home under 10. I enjoy My dogs love the most atm.for an hr a day in the morning. Otherwise I clean all day and go insane.

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