New here, found my way because I'm completely lost and alone

@HalcyonDreams

hello. Welcome to Sane Forums, and thank you for sharing.

Unfortunately there are no easy answers out there. Just community and the process of time, which carries different results for everyone.

I feel your frustration and anguish.

Hi and welcome, @HalcyonDreams ...I'm very sorry to hear about your losses and trauma 😞

I was wondering, you can get 10 subsidised sessions a year with a psychologist...wouldn't that be better then no therapy at all? And maybe if you can pay for a few sessions yourself as well, you can bring it up to more sessions per year. The psychologist may be able to give you strategies to work on at home, for your complex PTSD.

To get the subsidised 10 sessions per year with a psychologist, you can visit your GP and ask for a Mental Health Care Plan. The only thing is that psychologists are so overwhelmed with demand at the moment that it could take 6 months to get in to see one. But it's a good idea to get on the waiting list now.

You can help this process by googling then ringing round psychologists in your area to ask: are they taking new patients at the moment, what is the wait time for a new patient to start, what are the costs, etc. Then you can take a name to your GP for the Mental Health Care Plan referral. (GPs might not know which psychologists are taking new patients and which have stopped as they are full.)

Good luck...

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

@NatureLover I have been using the ten appointments to treat my ADHD with a psychiatrist. The medication is so restricted, all my appointments on the medical health plan are used for that. Psychiatrist says there's nothing left to try in terms of medications for the PTSD. Says I need therapy and nothing else will help.

Thanks for the advice though.

Take care.

@HalcyonDreams

Blue knot has psychologists available to talk to and they are specifically dealing with complex trauma. They also have resources on the website. I have used them to answer specific questions I had and as questions come up I write them down. The first time I called them it was such a relief to talk to someone who got what I was saying.

Suicide call back are also psychologists if you really need to talk. Some of these services can organise for you to speak to the same person. I saw another one recently but I have forgotten what they were called. Beyond blue have a new service for people in south east Australia. No idea where you live but it might be worth asking.

I am sorry things are so difficult for you, I am learning about complex trauma to try to heal. Happy to chat here. I find a guy on Insta called Dr Doyle Says to be insightful and explains a lot of what I feel. It’s like he sees into my head and heart.

Heya @Flotsam

I have tried blue knot. They told me my PTSD has developed into too many conflicting conditions for them to help me. Apparently it's policy, because they don't want to make one condition worse by attempting to assist with another.

Every phone line has told me more or less the same thing. BeyondBlue, GriefLine, MensLine, Suicide Callback, etc.

So has every not for profit I have approached in my city. Apparently I will be "in the system too long and skew thier data towards receiving less funding", so I nowhere I have approached has agreed to see me, they have all turned me away for one reason or another.

I am moving states, to a rural area soon. I'm hoping that maybe I can find something there.

Thank you for the advice 🙂

Best,

@HalcyonDreams

I don’t think cPTSD is ever an easy journey but it sounds like it is really really hard for you right now. The problem I find is that every emotion seems to hit me at 1000%, I get really triggered when I ask for help (just asking is so hard) and even though they say they can help, they don’t follow through because I don’t feel I can ask again.

I am at the stage where I know my triggers, know my shadows and I am trying to reparent my inner children (3 need it). I went into full flight mode recently and I left a program that might have helped me, so I don’t have the pause before acting thing established yet.

I hope you find a program to help you, maybe see if something like Grand Pacific Health is around where you end up living. They have mental health programs and peer helpers.

@Flotsam

Whenever you believe someone when they tell you that you can trust them and they'll help, you open up all your wounds and let them poke around inside you, only for them to throw their hands up and blame you for being too traumatised, leaving you to try and stitch yourself up on your own again. I've made a mess of myself and I can't function at all anymore. I haven't even left my apartment since the end of October. I lost my last job with the government because they said my PTSD is "a risk to the workplace". Even though I told them about it nearly two years prior, when I began employment.

All my family are gone and all my friends have blamed me for feeling the way I do and abandoned me. The last time I saw anyone in real life is the week before Christmas, when they told me I was raised to have something wrong with me and called me a freak. I haven't seen anyone since.

I don't trust anyone anymore, to be honest. This is why I'm leaving. I'm running away to where nothing is the same. Maybe it will feel different. I hope so. Not many options left at this point.

I will look up Grand Pacific. Thank you.

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@HalcyonDreams wrote:

Apparently I will be "in the system too long and skew thier data towards receiving less funding", so I nowhere I have approached has agreed to see me, they have all turned me away for one reason or another.

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I am shocked and horrified @HalcyonDreams 😞

"I've made a mess of myself and I can't function at all anymore. I haven't even left my apartment since the end of October."

...

"All my family are gone and all my friends have blamed me for feeling the way I do and abandoned me. The last time I saw anyone in real life is the week before Christmas"

Am so sorry to hear 😞 I really feel for you (I have agoraphobia too, although I can leave the house if I don't go far or stay out long). I hope your move to the rural area helps, @HalcyonDreams

@NatureLover

Yes. These services told me that "they had to prioritise the public." I guess I'm too messed up to be included within the banner of public.

So long as I can find the money to move before my lease expires and I'm evicted at the start of July, then I'll be able to move. Superannuation company seems die hard on keeping my money and letting it dwindle away in fees, rather than let me use the money I've earned, when I actually need it. So who knows where I'm pulling that money from.

Otherwise I'll probably end up homeless. C'est Ia vie, right?

Thanks for the well wishes.

I am sending wishes that you find a suitable home in time, @HalcyonDreams ... 🤞