An Update

I've been on these forums for a long time. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. But I just wanted to say this today - finally I think I am at the best stage in my journey in life, let alone mental health, than I have ever been.

The things that used to plague me have more or less disappeared. But in their place exist new responsibilities and challenges. This won't ever end - maybe not til I hit retirement. But who knows.

When I came to these forums I was in my mid 20s and still had a lot of potential in life. I guess now that I have realised that potential more and more I am realising that I've pushed myself. And I've got to a better place. I now have a job which is for all intents and purposes, within my industry - i spoke to my gp today about this and he said by the time he hit 33 he had realised that in the end being a doctor was a job for him - we've all been sold a narrative. He said he had a UAI of 98.1 and this was the lowest in his friend group. Strange hey? that's so high and yet he was still thinking it was low.

Finally I've reached aplace in life where I can say 2 things at the same time - number one is that I've finally hit a role in my industry and number two is that i can have a good life around it. It just takes time to adapt to it. I am now looking at a rental. I have decided that it is time now because i also passed the probation period at work. I will pace myself on this and see what transpires. I believe it is the best time now that I'm in what is probably the best place I've ever been.

I'm being more compassionate to myself lately and have learned (even though it has been hard) to try and force myself to be better to myself. I think being stuck in the rut of depression prevented me for so long, from actually enjoying life. But my generation is facing so many challenges and I think it is normal to have anxieties over the future.

My relationship has had some hiccups, but this is all part of the experience of growing up i think. It is what it is. We are figuring it out. That's all that matters. Even today I had a weird experience trying to explain something to my family, but i soldierd on through it and spoke with confidence and clarity about something that they said which had bothered me (related to my partner) and it was solved. No dramas. I'm surprising myself each time.

Right now, I'm in the best space mentally. I am back on meds, but I only see it as a temporary fix. Once I have other stressors levelled out it'll be better.

Onwards and upwards. I turn thirthy in 6 months time. Scary hey?