What a day

With a combination of my sister being placed under an ITO, explaining this and why to my parents, I dont understand why I had to relive what my sister had said for them to appreciate the situation. It is a really difficult thing to hear the thoughts of a loved one who wants to harm themselves and more so end themselves. Like it wasnt an over view it was details, intricate thoughts and it was/is somewhat painful to hear. Im up late for me because Im still trying to process it all. I dont know that I know how to, who to talk to. I mean I would speak to SANE, though its nearly closing time, but I dont know how to express the pain, the guilt or the failure I feel after today.

Combine that with 3 migranes in 2 days, the current one being quite persistant making it hard to really participate with my sister today (adding to the guilt). Even when I dont have a migrane I am so drained that I am of little use. Migranes really impact you long after the pain is gone. Having to deal with my sisters situation meant that I had no time for my own self care, kinda getting used to that, but I should have been drinking far more fluid today than I managed.

I have decided to turn off all my alarms so if I sleep in so be it. Im also not getting up early and going to the hospital my sister is at in a hurry. I need to get some cloths together for her and I will get to it but its not going to be my primary focus. I mean Im not going to leave it until late afternoon, but thats because I want to have some downtime. Its an opportunity for me to have a break without her, I do feel somewhat guilty for that but I know I need it.

I think that if she is kept for any length of time there will be at least a day where I dont go down. She is more able to deal with doctors and the like than before so Im less needed but some rest for me is 100% needed.