Unsure of my place

Ki Hi, im new and this whole forum thing is also a new thing for me. Im 21 and im currently studyng my degree in Bachlor of Social work and im in my first year as well as first semester.
My upbringing was not the brightest, my parents split when i was about 5 and from there my life went downhill. My sister and i were forced to choose, she chose my dad and i chose my mum. While living with my mother i witnessed things a girl my age shouldnt of witnessed. She went from guy to guy, ended up with a man who was hooked on every drug and if he didnt have his drugs my mother and i coped it. He almost killed my mother mulitple times, i witnessed just two of these times. He had abused me repeatedly if i didnt do as he wanted, at the age of 7 i was giving my mum relationship advice and telling her to leave him. My childhood was gone, i was 7 acting like i was in my 20's. My mother went off the deep end and left me with a family friend and never came back for me. My father was given full custody and my mother had visitation rights. She had stolen me from her mothers house and kept me with her for a week before i was then stolen back by my aunty and uncle on my dads side and witnessed my mother abused by my aunty. My mother was still my entire world at this point so i was outraged.
After that day i never seen my mum again. I lived with my dad and things seemed good. I was having nightmares about all the things that happened with my mother and i was extremely socially awkward so i was seeing a counselor. Things looked up.
Until one day my step mum went away for the weekend. I had one sister and 4 step sibilings. My sister had always been my fathers favourite so i rarely got attention from my father til the weekend my step mother went to melbourne. My father invited his friends around for drinks, i was 9. My father let me drink with him and his mates and i finally felt included and accepted by my father, i felt like we were bonding and continued to drink with him and his mates. My siblings went to bed, my fathers friends went home. I couldnt walk by myelf so my father put me in his bed and said i could sleep there while he made sure i was okay. The events that followed he put me in his bed have not only left me scarred but they changed my life when it came to males full stop. What happened that night has stayed with me for the remainder of my life.
I also found out my father had a dark and terrible past.
I was scared and never told anyone what happened that night, frightned to be alone with him. I never told anyone because i knew it would destroy my sister so i dealt with it and kept it to myself for 5 years. I finally told a school counselor in high school. My step mum told me i was making it up, my sister said she believed me but to this day i know she doesnt believe me.
Instead of dealing with it and everything else, i ignored it and acted like i was fine, making myself shut it out. I had gotten back in contact with my mother and ended up living with her, thinking it would be better and differrent this time. She had a new partner, she was happy, she was my mother and my bestfriend. But it wasnt different. She ended up kicking me out at the age of 15. SInce that day i vowed id be better then both my parents, id make it on my own.

Year 11 alot happened and suddenly my past had caught up with me, i couldnt run from it anymore and i couldnt deal with all the hurt and pain of it either. I self harmed and became extremely suiciadal, having 3 attempts, the last attempt being the major one and had spent two weeks in hospital on medication and 24hr counsellors watching me.
It was getting out of hospital that i made the second vow, that i was a strong person and i could overcome this, i had my entire life to live for and i wasnt letting my emotions win, i was going to rewrite my future and not continue what had happened in my parents past.

Im now 21 and studying a degree in social work. I chose this industry because i knew what it was like to want to leave, to run away from your problems, and now i know what its like to see the light at the end of the tunnel and i want to help other see this too, just as i was shown in the hospital.
But im so stuck, i can feel myself relapsing and slipping and i dont know how to get out of it. Ive come so far, i graduated year 12, i have my license, i earn my own money and brought my own car without a loan, ive been to sydney twice and i have amazing friends and a amazing partner who supported me when he didnt know what was happened (hes been protected his entire life so all of this is new to him) and now im the first person in my family to go to universitiy.
But i feel so out of place, i feel like i dont belong here. I want my degree, its apart of my life plan but i dont understand the language and its my first semester and i know im already going to fail one subject. I cant talk to my uni friends, they all know what their doing and they tryed to help but i still didnt understand, i cant talk to my partner or his family they are so proud of me i cant let them down and let them think im relapsing and becoming my mother, i dont know who else to talk to
The same thoughts i had when i was in high school keep re entering my mind and i cant help but feel out of place, what if im over my head, what if i cant do this and the universe has this plan that im supposed to be like my mother
This is such a long shot but i dont know what else to do, i dont feel like i belong anymore
How do i get the belonging feeling back without dropping out of uni?