I miss my lover and best friend...

Welcome to the forums @Justhangingon,

Thank you for sharing your story, you have gone through a lot the past couple of years with your partner, it sounds like he is very lucky to have your ongoing support and you are still looking for other things to help get you both through.

Firstly, I would like to just say that a lot changes in a relationship when you get to the two year mark (from personal expereince and research) as the first two years you tend to see the best qualities in your lover, although at two years you start to feel more comfortable and show as well as see the real person and those rose coloured glasses come off. This is not necessarily a bad thing as you can move to a stage of comfort without the pressure of showing your good qualities, but it can be a such a dramatic change that people often feel worry about the direction of the relationship. There is lots of interesting research on this, it might be worth doing dome reading about it.

Do you get much time as a couple to spend quality time together currently to allow you to have some fun, even if it's special date nights at home together or walks to the park?

You could also get linked in with a counsellor for yourself as you are the carer of someone with a mental illness and its extremely important you build your coping strategies and look after yourself. Do you have some things you like to do for self care?

Look forward to getting to know you,

lunar 🙂

Thank you Lunar

Completely understand the changes in new relationships but a degree of our changes have been forced by his illness and we openly talk about this. Its lot little changes - its massive massive changes which started when his medication was changed when he was in hospital.

We have most weekends together however at lot of that time involves sleep for him. We dont live together and feels safer and moe relaxed when I am there so he sleeps longer, and with the increase in his other medications - he either sleeps a lot or is exhausted.

I dont get much time for self care but I do teach group fitness as a second job which is a release for me, altough stressful to have to keep learning new routines etc but when Im up there it is my "one hour" where i switch off to every thing else. I just feel like I am in a whirlwind and cant get out. I have a phsycologist but having been seeing her as much as I should but am going back next week.

Just gotta ride the rollar coaster that is loving someone with a sever mental illness!

Hi @Justhangingon

What a lucky person your partner is to have you 🙂 You sound like an amazing support.

It's great to hear that he is putting in so much effort to get well. It is a HUGE plus that he is so willing to attend his appointments - it will (has?) make a huge difference.

I'm wondering if you two have discussed (either between yourselves or with his treating team) what his recovery goals are. I know the aim is to be back where he was before everything happened, but having milestones and goals can make such a difference - not just to your partner, but also for you.

I don't necessiarly mean goals like 'get off medication' 'stop seeing the psychiatrist' more lifestyle goals like "Go out to dinner once a month".

I can see you have said that it seems he's getting worse. Sometimes it's important to remember that recovery isn't a straight line. I really like this image because it reminds me that even if things get wobbly sometimes, it doesn't mean it will be like that forever -

PS: never worry about thinking 'what about me!' as Lunar said, your MH and wellbeing is just as important. And this community is the best place to have those moments and vent 🙂