About me this time

Since becoming active on SANE forums I have mainly spoken about my sister and caring for her. Ive touched on some stuff about me but not really.

I have Bipolar 2 with Psychotic Features (Im told this is an unusual diagnosis), a range of anxiety issues and depression. I also have Bladder Cancer, SI Joint Disfunction, Facet Joint Disease and 3 herniated discs. I have a list of 'minor' conditions which are managed with medication. I take something like 17 or 18 different medications daily.

I work for a bank in the collections area but I dont do collections work, when I started there 14 years ago I did. They have been fantastic in handling my conditions. Im currently on leave (medical) to address my own mental health issues and care for my sister. Im getting reviewed today for an extention which Im pretty sure will happen.

I live with my parents and my sister. My Mum and Dads relationship is weird, the are seperated under main roof. But that seems to me that Dad has his own room but still has to care for Mum and all the husband/wife stuff. Its bizare and I havent been able to get my head around it, neither has my Dad or my Sister for that matter, the only one it makes sense to is my Mum.

My life and finances essentially revolve around medical concerns. Financially my medication and appointments etc take up about 40% of my income. That doesnt really take into account surgery costs. The surgery in a fortnight will be my 4th surgery. I know of at least one more for the year but there is another I have been putting off and I am sure there will be others.

I see my GP at least fortnightly for my pain patch, they can only prescribe a fortnights worth at a time. For the most part there is plenty of other stuff to deal with. There is generally another GP/Specialist appointment fortnightly as well.

I also see my psychologist around fortnightly, but sometimes more regularly if she thinks I need it and there are appointments available. I am desperately trying to get a psychiatrist.

Its hard because my GP, psychologist and the psychiatrist are all new. Sorta just fell into place that they moved on etc around the same time. Kinda makes things difficult, especially when I need help now and I am having to give complex background.

Other than medication my main way of managing my Bipolar is having a lot of structure. I have a calander app that has all the stuff I need to do through out the day, times allocated etc. The main stuff repeats daily, so I get up and go to bed at the same time everyday regardless of weekend/weekday. I have time set aside to rest and to walk along with chores etc.

I dont sleep well, I generally wake up and sit up for a while a few times a night. I (a 43 year old bloke) have a pillow pet that I sleep with. It helps calm me down, all the different textures really help.

l dont go long without some sort of noise, be it TV or music I dont like quiet. My mind goes hardcore and the sound helps drown it out. When I am having audible hallucinations which are generally demonic screaming constantly for days or months at a time, my music gets loud.

I also get tactile and visual hallucinations. Tactile ones suck. It feels like a beast or demon is trying to get onto my bed, sometimes it feels like its just trying to get on like a dog does. Then others its like its squirming and pacing at the base of my bed. Visual is rarer, generally that is a bad sign. Ive seen gateway to hell and more recently a guy standing in the corner. Red jumper, black pants, white older male. Still cant work that one out

My sister was my primary support but around 3 months ago she went into hospital and has now been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I am caring for her. My Mum doesnt leave her room and my Dad doesnt get mental health issues in the slightest. So my support has turned out to be my GP, Psychologist and soon to have hopefully Psychiatrist. I of course have SANE forums and the support line. Im waiting for the councilling program through this to have an appointment for me. Friends wise I have one but he has a heap going in on his own life.

Just felt like having the focus on me for a minute.