Armchair experts

Hey @justanotherguy ,

I'm a moderator on this evening.

As much as we are open to opinions, I want to point out that the over-generalisation of so-called 'armchair' experts may not be helpful to the community.

I'd encourage you to share what has worked for you, and if things haven't worked for you, what have you done to mitigate this?

These forums are designed to facilitate healthy peer-to-peer conversations to support recovery goals and one's overall mental health.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email the team on team@saneforums.org

Here! Here! @justanotherguy

Although in many ways, I can't blame those who haven't actually dealt with the system. The media has been very consistant and persuasive in promoting this image of the mental health system as a fix-all for all life's problems. In reality, it's left a great amount of the burden of helping those in need to the general community; but they've never actually clarified that, and so the community just assumes that it's the mental health system that will help these people in need.

Hi @holdinghope5

@chibam

Sorry, my frustrations coming to the fore again. I have had a few people, usually quite angrily, attempt to try this sort of thing on me, normally when I'm actually feeling quite well. It confused me for many years, but I've come to realise a lot of these people are struggling with their own issues, and can't bear to see someone else behaving calmly in society. When I'm feeling the most 'sane' and in charge of my faculties is when this type of thing seems to happen the most.

@justanotherguy

Sorry you have been hurt by this behaviour.

I can understand what you are saying as I see a similar tendency.

I get that you are talking about people not have inner awareness of their own issues and telling others to go and get professional help rather than extend themselves a little.

The system does not solve everything and can cause a heap of issues.

I guess I have worked on my language so much that I have been very careful to avoid generalisation, but that can then become either legalistic or vague rambling all over the place.

Have you ever had to read legislation for a job? I have. Eye roll. Not wot I aspire to these dayz.

I believe many

a) bow down to so called experts and professionals rather than be seen as too opinionated.

b) there are experts in everything. I remember tales of people getting their Phds in surfing.

c) for fear of doing wrong thing people may refer to trained professionals

d) in mental health specifically and on web forums it is probably wise to be legally cognizant of a range of risks ...

e) a lot of forum members volunteer their time and have a go. Some have more in their tool chest than others.

Funny story

I was accused of being an armchair expert by my stoopid exhusband while I was at a top uni getting honours in the field I was articulating in ...

I was stunned ... as in my actual life I had rarely lived with an armchair ... and not privvy to all the casual crap he was used to dishing out.

Then I inherited an armchair from my sister, which became family furniture. I was used to living on the smell of an oily rag and he could not afford the basics and was the mouthy one. Had to get me to check out any cars we bought.

Maybe why its gonna be hard to shut me up these days. lol

But I do care and listen and also try and entertain a little.

Hope you find a community here, but as with all things social its not just fun it can be work.

Take Care

Hi @Appleblossom

Thanks for your response, I was really talking about people in society who are often frustrated and have worked out another effective way to bully people *sigh*. On a forum such as this it is much more digestible as people on here can discuss things better. For my part I don't think I'm intelligent enough to diagnose others if I can't even diagnose myself. Then there's the problem of self-diagnosis which I've done a few times and I'm sure many do as some kind of way to label something we don't understand.

The problem of this kind of behaviour is you end up going to the therapist carrying the baggage of the person who told you to get therapy. I've often had the feeling I'm being treated for someone else's problems, not my own. Empathic people take on the cares of others as a way of support and it can be hard to separate your own self from those around you (this normally comes with age and experience as I am finding out). Again I'm not having a go at people on this forum, they can be quite upset and confused and bandy around diagnoses in a desperate attempt to gain some clarity in their lives. At the end of the day a diagnosis can only really be taken from a professional, and even then they seem to make all sorts of errors of judgement (plus as we change our mental condition will also change - I actually had to inform my therapists of this a few times).

The situation where I feel most myself and together is strange, how can I be so unwell if I feel fine? And when everyone around me says I seem to be 'so much better' I feel so awful?

@justanotherguy

You said

"I've often had the feeling I'm being treated for someone else's problems, not my own."

Felt that way about myself and my family too.

Hearing you that it a distinct possibility.

I suspect many people within the mental health system have suffered in that way, then been burdened with a diagnosis and all that may go along with that.

I am in a stronger position now that I have been for most of my life, and I am finally fighting back. I am dealing with a bully princess older neighbour who knows everything about what is normal and always goes on about it, and has started gaslighting and patronising me and she never even made it to a university so I have been patient and kind about her lack of understanding. for 7 years. For a while I thought of selling my house because of her. It is hard to avoid her as she is always in the front garden and pounces on everybody and demands their attention in a loud controlling manner.

A month ago I felt driven to tell her to back off as I had needed to discuss her with various supports and that I felt she had problems and needed counselling to deal with her PROBLEM of talking over everybody and being bossy and controlling.

Yesterday I managed to get her to quite down for a moment to let someone else speak because I wanted to listen, and she did. Wonder of wonders, but continued loudly in a dominant role telling me about divide and conquer and implying she will never back down.

So it is a work in progress, but if she accosts my visitors, friends or workers in a dominant intrusive manner I may well call the police on her. I am at the end of a court and she blocks my way out. I do not need to be patronised by a foolish prejudiced aggressive uneducated know-it-all old lady. Anyway enough of my stories.

Take Care.

@Appleblossom @chibam @holdinghope5

My mind at work again (can't stop the thing). I just worked out where all the armchair experts have come from in the last 20 years: Dr Phil! I've been 'diagnosed' a few times by a family member after watching his show and just rolled my eyes in disgust (while fighting clinical depression). I wonder how many innocent people have been subjected to this kind of treatment by their loved ones and society? I know everyone loves to be an armchair expert, but me yelling at the football or cricket on TV is not the same as destroying somebody's actual life. Thankfully when Dr Phil goes off air these people will have to actually do some research or otherwise leave us poor folk alone.

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@justanotherguy wrote:

@Appleblossom @chibam @holdinghope5

I know everyone loves to be an armchair expert, but me yelling at the football or cricket on TV is not the same as destroying somebody's actual life.

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Hell, I thought that yelling at the cricket and football was part of the citizenship test for this country. I'm pretty sure I heard somewhere that that whole Biloela deportation debacle began because the father was overheard saying "We should lodge a peaceful protest" when he was watching the Steve Smith sandpaper incident at the pub with some locals.

@chibam

Trying to solve somebody's mental health issues after seeing a thing on TV - what can you say. I steered clear of Dr. Phil for most of his career, I never really trusted him, but in later years I've just read it was a borderline freak show (no offense to actual victims). In the last dozen years or so every other month or so some other 'new' mental illness or condition would start to do the rounds and most of it seemed to be just variations on normal human behaviour (but I'm no expert). People like Dr Phil are the reason I never studied psychology in school, I was to busy trying to be myself rather than worry about meddling in everybody else's affairs.