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My sister is suicidal & I don’t know how to help

Alexis21Casual Contributor19 Feb 2023, 4:30 am AEDT

My sister is suicidal & I don’t know how to help

Hi, my sister is 17 years old and she just told me she’s wanted to commit suicide several times as well as self harming. Said she hasn’t because she doesn’t want my family to find her. It just doesn’t feel real. I knew she had anxiety and depression but not to that extent. Because she has bad social anxiety and depression so she’s very introverted. Stays in her room 95% of the time, will hang out with friends every now and then, but gets uncomfortable talking to family or anyone really which she will distance herself further from if feeling uncomfortable from a conversation.

I am 22 and live at home with her, mum and dad. Our parents can be very narcissistic and demanding of us to follow everything they approve of no matter the age. For instance, they won’t let us wear something if it’s not their cup of tea, they will yell and scream at us for not doing their laundry or their dishes (etc) on time, tell us we’re ungrateful and rude if we don't do something for them, and when you explain your mental health issues they sound so understanding at first but say things like “u should fix that then” or “why would you cry about that? That’s nothing to cry about, that’s so stupid”

My sister is very different to me in sense of style, piercings, personality wise which is something that has clashed with our parents. When they won’t let her get a piercing or certain clothing because they don’t like it, saying it’ll look crap and you’ll be kicked out if you ever get something they hate. It really lowers her self esteem and confidence (aswell as mine) because they’re all things she loves and is excited about which she always asks for permission for. To then get knocked down again and again and again. It’s definitely taking it’s toll.

I was so heartbroken and felt sick when she told me she’s wanted to commit suicide several times as well as her continuing to self harm over 5 years now. I can’t tell my parents because she will never open up to me ever again which is the most important thing since she speaks to no one usually. So I’m stuck in a really difficult spot and have no clue how to help her. Because of her social anxiety she doesn’t want to go to a psychologist or even talk over the phone. She’s got an app to communicate with people going through similar things but I know that isn’t completely helping, it’s just a little support which isn’t enough for her.

I’m definitely going to go back to a psychologist for myself soon which I will discuss this with her. I’ll ask for some advice about my sister towards a solution. Does anyone have any type of suggestions for me at all? I would really really appreciate it as I’m so lost right now.

Thank you to whoever reads this x

2 replies

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In response to: My sister is suicidal & I don’t know how to help

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor20 Feb 2023, 10:58 am AEDT

Re: My sister is suicidal & I don’t know how to help

Hi @Alexis21,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.

I just finished reading your post and my heart goes out to your sister and to you. I know the position you find yourself in isn't easy - I am probably older than your parents but my sibling was very strongly suicidal about 20 years ago and I was there only person they felt they could confide in so I understand what you say around keeping their trust. I really agree with you, maintaining that trust is really important and it's the `doorway' to knowing what is really going on with your sister. It is also really good that your sister has someone that she feels she can trust and to talk with.

I think it's good you are seeing your psychologist soon and I think discussing this with them is a really good idea. It's a shame your sister doesn't feel comfortable seeking external, professional support. There is an organisation called ReachOut which is a safe space for younger people to get support online - I'll add the link here ReachOut. Maybe it would be something your sister could try?

As someone that has gone through something similar many years ago I also know how much it can be to carry your siblings emotions, secrets and their need for support. I would really encourage you to get some support around being a carer to as it can often be a lonely and uneasy place to be. Supporting someone with suicidal ideation can be exhausting and frightening and you shouldn't have to do it by yourself. There is a couple of organisation that may be able to help support you (you need support to help support your sister):

- Carer Gateway

- Carers Australia

Your sister is lucky to have such a supportive and caring sibling like you. I wish you both all the best, it's not easy I know so please reach out for help for you too.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: My sister is suicidal & I don’t know how to help

Alexis21Casual Contributor17 Mar 2023, 12:28 am AEDT

Re: My sister is suicidal & I don’t know how to help

Hi @FloatingFeather ,

Thank you very much for your response and apologies for the late reply. Your words were very kind and comforting, meant a lot to hear and gave some peace of mind.

I will hopefully warm her up to the idea of possible speaking to someone professional online. I know she has an app of anonymous people who share their darkest feelings and thoughts which I’m happy she at least is letting it out somehow instead of bottling it up. Even tho it’s not what I’d prefer it definitely gave some relief she has a bit of a community who can all relate to each other, know they’re not alone and can comfort one another.

I will try ease her into the thought of further options that would maybe help her but I’m just keeping off that topic majority of the time so she doesn’t feel pressured or regret telling me. As long as she can trust me and feel comfortable that I know that’s all I care about.

Thanks again, I really appreciate your reply and am sorry that you have also experienced this situation before.

Best wishes,

Alexis21

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