Feeling betrayed and so utterly unseen and unlovable

Hello there, I'm still in need of help myself, so I may not be able to give you constructive advice, I just wanted to say, you're not alone.

You indicated that your mom has always been putting off the booking or visiting doctor with you. Maybe you can book an appointment by yourself in order to check with the doctor directly if there is anything else we don't know which can help you get over？

Also, I feel like you're burning out yourself and went too deep into building social connections. I'm not saying they are useless, I'm even admiring you because we sort of sharing the same feeling but you did lots of efforts than me to rebuild/regain everything. As your opposite, I feel invisible and unlovable but I did nothing which makes me shame in some ways after reading your experience. I don't know if I'm misunderstanding or not, you're trying too hard on rebuilding social connections. Haste brings no success in arriving. The point I want to make is, doing things（as your hobbies are reading and cooking） that make you happy can help you dilute your lonely feelings. Also try to check in with a psychotherapist and see what they are saying on your situation.

E.g. I never had the group of friends like you in high school so I might be feeling invisible and unlovable all the time, but at least when I am doing my hobbies （video games, cooking）I really feel happy, rather than just do something to fill up my time, make me busy and ignore the issue. Happiness can against loneliness in some ways.

Best wishes

Hi and welcome, @Tulipmarigold24 , it's good to have you here.

I'm sorry to hear about your lonely situation 😞

I would be going to the GP myself, if you feel able, to start the process of finding a psychologist - it's a lengthy process.

The first step is to visit your GP and ask for a Mental Health Care Plan. This will entitle you to 10 subsidised sessions with a psychologist per year. The only thing is that psychologists are so overwhelmed with demand at the moment that it could take 6 months to get in to see one. But it's a good idea to get on the waiting list now.

You can help this process by googling then ringing round psychologists in your area to ask: are they taking new patients at the moment, what is the wait time for a new patient to start, what are the costs, etc. Then you can take a name to your GP for the Mental Health Care Plan referral. (GPs might not know which psychologists are taking new patients and which have stopped as they are full.)

Good luck...

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@Tulipmarigold24 wrote:

I also slap myself a lot when I’m angry, frustrated or feeling anxious. I’ve heard it counts as self harm and i hate that i do that to myself but i feel so out of control and helpless sometimes that i do it till my head throbs and I forget about everyone for a moment.

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Regarding this, I remember repeatedly punching myself in the head due to severe depression when I was younger...the emotional pain was so intense and unending. However, now that I'm older I've noticed that it's harder to think straight, my cognition is much slower, and I struggle to understand things sometimes. I used to be so quick-witted! I think it's not just due to ageing (I'm 51 now, not that old) but due to hitting myself in the head. So I wonder if you could maybe hit a pillow as hard as you can, or something else?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

good morning,

As a fellow human who has never really felt like i fit in or have people i can turn to i completely understand feeling like you are destined to be alone. I feel that sometimes it helps to make online social friends to help with the need for conversation and connection, especially if you are finding it hard to find in person groups or people to connect with.

Researching into a local GP who are taking new patients would be a good step towards finding a psychologist to see, sometimes it can be a hard battle to find someone you can connect with and openly express how you are feeling and it certainly can be hard to go alone (especially if you are feeling like your mum is putting off going with you) i definitely think going alone may be beneficial and you may feel more at ease to express exactly how you are feeling and not hold back in the case of saying anything that may make family upset for not feeling like you can open up to them.

I am so sorry to read you're feeling betrayed from your group and that feeling is completely valid, it definitely seems like you have poured your heart into the group, is there a new group you could participate in that may interest you? it is often hard to put yourself back out there especially if you are feeling anxious. Often it is very hard to try new things but we always need to remind ourselves that our mind isn't always telling us the truth. You are worthy and definitely seen and loved. Being the rock for families and friends is a strong position to hold but you are just as important and in most cases being honest and open with family and friends about how you're truly feeling will help ease you having to carry the weight of the world alone.

As for slapping yourself and it helping relieve how you are feeling, there is many mindfulness methods to redirect the pain you are inflicting and healthy coping mechanisms. You are never truly alone in this world or have to travel this journey alone, you should be very proud for reaching out for help.

Hi @RXHI, thank you for your reply, I really appreciate your kind words 🙂

after reading all the replies I’ve finally decided to just book the doctors appointment myself. I knew that was always an option but I guess I was nervous to take the first step on my own. I decided to ask my mum to come with me still and we’re going this weekend!

your point of burning myself out really struck me…it’s not something I considered but it makes sense. Maybe I need to be taking it a bit slow now, focusing more on solo mindfulness activities and hobbies before trying to jump into new social environments again.

I admire how you’re able to feel completely happy when doing your hobbies, I’ll definitely try and do mine with a bit more intention of joy rather than seeing them as something just to replace social time with.

I hope your personal journey with self love and mental health goes well…thank you for the support and I hope you know you’ve helped me a lot.

lots of love xx

Hi @NatureLover, thank you for taking the time to reply, it really helped me as I’ve finally decided to take the first step and visit the doctor this weekend!

I know a very long journey waits ahead of me but I’m hopeful it’ll all be okay at the end and so I’m willing to keep trying.

I’ll definitely take up your suggestion of finding a different avenue for taking out my stress/ frustration aside from hitting myself. I’m contemplating getting a gym membership as I’ve heard that can help.

thank you for welcoming me to the forum, the support feels so nice 😊

best wishes

Hi @MissLil, thanks for your kind reply.

while I’m not too sure where to start with making online friends I think I’ll definitely look into your idea of finding a new club or social group at uni. I’ve been considering the book club or something that aligns closely with my hobbies. hopefully I’ll be able to meet new people who may be better for me.

I guess I’ll take the opportunity to also have an open conversation with my family…your comment on being the rock really stuck with me.

thank you for your support, I really appreciate it and I wish you lots of love xx

Hi @Tulipmarigold24 , well done on booking the GP appt this weekend! I hope the GP is supportive 🙂

You sound positive, well done 👍

Welcome, @MissLil ! 🙂