Help my 21yr old daughter with the next steps (ASD, ADHD, Anxiety)

Hi,

My delightful 21yo daughter struggled with anxiety and ADHD through primary school and was diagnosed with ASD at age 15 or so. I think she also had pathological demand avoidance, although that was not an accepted diagnosis in Australia. School refusal was a big issue, and we decided to finish school after she did not complete year 10. After a year's break, she was able to attend a community organisation where she was given the opportunity to complete year 10 via distance ED, but despite spending 2 years on that program, she was unable to complete the coursework (fear of getting it wrong/ spending hours agonising about what to write); so the upshot is, she has not got a year 10 certificate. She aged out of that program, then COVID restrictions/ lockdowns happened, just as she was thinking about looking for work.

She has her learner's permit, but rarely wants to drive anymore, and is very very reluctant to have lessons with an instructor.

She attended 1:1 sessions with a Personal Trainer for about 3 years, but that PT closed her (tiny) studio for a while, and although the option is there for my daughter to resume PT, she does not want to - she says she felt trapped into going to the sessions when she did not want to.

My daughter has not kept up with any friends, and spends time in her room looking at youtube (minecraft etc) and on paint by numbers and little rooms building crafts.

She steadfastly refuses to rejoin a community music group I am involved in.

She is slowly maturing, and has recently spontaneously offered to help with cooking and some gardening, which is a huge step for her (she hates ants and other creepie crawlies).

I would like for her to start to think about beoming more independent - her sister (24) who lives several hours away in a capital city has offered to have her come and stay, but only if she is working towards something to build a future on.

I feel so fortunate that I have more time with her - at one stage she thought she wouldn't be around much longer- and it is easy to let the days roll by, but I am aware she has a right to an independent life and I would like to know how to help her to make it happen.

I have found that if she comes up with the idea, or if she thinks she is doing something for someone else, she is much more likely to follow through. Me arranging an appointment and saying "you are going" results in a flat refusal and a very unpleasant time for us both.

How can I help her to find her path? She missed out on all of the support young people in high school get to choose their careers.

What is the role of centrelink in this scenario? We are fully self- funding; she has never allowed me to apply for NDIS or look in to centrelink. (I am aware I am fortunate we have the financial resources to do so, but it does increase her sense of dependence).

Hoping someone else has had to tread a similar path, and can give me some guidance.