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the weekend

scout1572Senior Contributor11 Feb 2023, 12:20 pm AEDT

the weekend

HI all

Hope everyone here is ok today and that the weather is ok where you are. It has been hot here but a nice strongbreeze is helping keep things cool at the moment.

...i want to talk about the weekend.

Weekends were always the one part of the week to yearn for. I worked hard for quarter of a century in a high demand career and the weekend was about making use of every second.

As my health got worse, and i had to stop working, coupled with distancing myself from social activity etc, i found the 'weekend' has taken on a whole different meaning.

Today, and for the last decade, my weekends are invisible. Sometimes i dont even know i am within one as time and dates seem a construct that has little to do with my reality.

I live the same experience every day with zero variation. it becomes a weight.

I think that with each weekend opportunity i have that passes by without an opportunity to enjoy it, it is like adding a pebble to my pocket. Over time, the weight of those pebbles has grown to crushing proportions....

...i long to be able to go for sometihing as simple as a walk, but i honestly know that whether i am home, or out of my comfort zone outside of my house, i am still alone and only have my thoughts. It makes me not want to try as i will end up being alone as pernormal, just in a different environment.

I have also started to resent seeing others enjoying their time. Family's having bbq's, couples sharing lunch etc... this just confronts me.

This is not their fault. They are doing nothing wrong. I have told myself that it is just what the human brain does to defend and protect itself... but i dont like it.

Do others experience this? Regardless of my illness and resultant issues, its not normal to spend that amount of time alone and without someone to talk about things of interest with.

I share in the hope it helps others, myself included

Hope everyone has a great day. Touch a plant or hug a tree. Free empowering engery :0)

3 replies

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In response to: the weekend

AppleblossomSenior Contributor11 Feb 2023, 4:38 pm AEDT

Re: the weekend

Good to see your posts @scout1572

yeah the weekend ... those were the days my friend ... we thought they'd never end ... lol

I have spent a lot of time alone in last 8 ish years and slowly getting back to being social again in last couple of years. letting go of less than and learning to stand up for myself more rather than always settling.

I had to go to plaza today to pick up glasses and get a few things for my son. I did not feel envious of others eating or in coffee shops though I have in the past. Wishing I had people who cared and all that.

I do nature based activities. Though none of it is perfect, it gives me an interest and an alibi. My son knows what I am up to....lol

In response to: the weekend

LooneyToonesSenior Contributor15 Feb 2023, 3:16 pm AEDT

Re: the weekend

@scout1572 Your post really affected me . I’m sorry you feel so alone ; from my experience it comes with MH issues, depression and anxiety in my case. Not sure if its the same with others maybe they will address this.
When you say you long to go for a walk - are you not able to physically or just that you can’t bear doing it alone? Do you have or used to enjoy a hobby ?

I've often felt the pain of resenting others seemingly having fun and asking “what is wrong with me”? And yet when I’m well I seem to have friends and acquaintances to spare.
Everyone says it’s not normal for people to spend too much time alone but throw a MH issue in the works and often it’s that that keeps you sane -time to regroup etc etc. Can you join a group of like-minded people? Whether it be physical activity, craft, reading?? Even if you just sit there and don’t say much it might get easier in time and might help break up your routine 😊

Im sorry you feel so bad, thanks for sharing and please remember you’re not alone in this ❤️

In response to: Re: the weekend

scout1572Senior Contributor11 Apr 2023, 12:52 pm AEST

Re: the weekend

Hi @LooneyToones

Thank you for your kind and caring message.

It was not meant to be a 'bummer', but more an honest essay on my situation, a situation that others may be experiencing yet unable to put into words.

In my situation, i am a physically fit, reasonably attractive ( i loathe ego so please understand this statement is for explanation reasons only!) ..and can carry on a conversation with anyone.

This all sounds good but can be a complete curse when, due to my aspergers, i am simply not wired like other people. They have that 'immediate summation of me' when they first meet me, and it gets in the way of them seeing me as someone 'wired' a little differently.

I get why people do this, its a survival mechanism to be able to sum a stranger up within the first 30 seconds... and we have done this as a species for centuries and centuries... but...

..meeting new people means i have to go thru the situation of them finding out i am not quite like them and most people grow to distain my manic-esque conversation and i honestly am tired of it.

I want to join groups but i have tried so many times in my life that i really just dont have the energy anymore. I love nature and hiking and camping etc but to do it while totally alone get old quickly.

I know this is a jaded view and i am working on finding a solution to this conundrum... its a work in progress.

...but today is a good day and i will take it.

Hope others are having a good to great day and i will state something i read only yesterday...

Regardless of what you are feeling the sun will come up and shine, and the moon wil come up after that. Regardless of your feelings, that sun will be warm and the moon will be glowing.

I try to think this when i am feeling glum! :0)

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