C-PTSD and Psychosis

TW: arranged marriage, sexual abuse

Hi there,

I am new here. I am recovering from C-PTSD and psychosis. I feel lonely as I struggle to connect with people who see me without judgment.

I grew up in a very religious household with a harsh mother and a detached father. I am the 3rd daughter, and my mother told me she cried when she had me because I was a girl. Father didnt allow me to study journalism in university and coerced me to study religion and become a preacher.

I distinctly remember my first psychosis episode when I was 18 years old, I felt someone is trying to take my life at night, and I stayed up for 3 nights with no sleep, then I completely changed into a fanatic religious person. I think this is when I got disconnected from myself and was appeasing my father.

I fell in love with a boy when I was in uni. My father rejected him and coerced me to have an arranged marriage. The man they found for me was unwell and we were not compatible at all. I struggled a lot with him, emotional abuse and neglect developed into physical and sexual abuse in the last 2 years. I left him in 2022 may. I am now 42 with a 16 years old boy. He is not with me because I get triggered around him, which I feel very sad and angry about.

This is my story, I hope to find people here who understand me and accept me.

I would love to connect with individuals who are in the same boat as me.

If you read this far, thanks for your time.

Warm regards

[edited by SANE to remove identifying name]