Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Email intrusion and harassment following separation

KushelNew Contributor09 Feb 2023, 3:28 pm AEDT

Email intrusion and harassment following separation

Hi Sane community, thank you for being there.

I am a 77yo woman, separated early June 2022 after 12 yr relationship. I was clear that my decision was not negotiable and asked that he respect that.

I have been a long term anxiety and depression sufferer as the result of an abusive childhood on every level and have had extensive therapy and continue to be in counselling, my next appt is not until mid next week.

My ex refuses to accept my separation and has continued to make regular (several times a week), seductive email contact in the hope that I will change my mind. I will not be doing that as I did exactly that 5 years ago and immediately knew it was the wrong thing for me. It has taken me the 5 years, with help, to finally separate.

My ex has narcissistic traits and uses emotional manipulation and control, especially guilt. I have maintained a no contact position and have not replied to any of his emails or overtures, understanding that any reply will only feed his delusional hopes and dreams.

Over the past months I had been working on making connections in my new community. He has been away on holidays for the past 2 weeks and I had not heard from him. I started to feel as if I was nearing the end of my the difficult journey of separation, selling my home and moving to be closer to family. At the end of those 2 weeks I felt fantastic, energised, and I guessed that these are the feelings of life outside of allowing myself to be manipulated, and the depression that had been my life.

Not so, I have received another email from him and I have sunk back into depression. Feeling triggered and trapped not only by the contents but by the end wording "Forever".

I am reaching out as I had not previously connected with the level of impact these emails have had on me.

I am thinking to end my no reply position, to reply along the lines that if he continues to intrude and harass I will use his emails to seek an AVO.

Thank you for reading my story, any thoughts would be very welcome.

Kushel

2 replies

1 - 2 of 2

In response to: Email intrusion and harassment following separation

WintersweetSenior Contributor09 Feb 2023, 3:40 pm AEDT

Re: Email intrusion and harassment following separation

Hi @Kushel

I’m sorry to hear this has been happening to you. Are you able to block him from emailing you? If so I’d really advise that. I know people can be really manipulative and I’d hate for him to use it against you if you reply to warn him that he’s heading towards an AVO. I can hear that receiving the emails is really unhealthy for you though. Most electronic forms of communication allow you to block someone. Or maybe get a new email address? Changing email address isn’t quick but when I had to I was able to read through the list of people in my contacts/companies who had emailed me that I actually wanted to hear from (eg water corp) and email/phone them to tell them my new email address. Since I still have access to the old account I am able to update my email address for online accounts and such. Hope you’re able to find something that works for you.

In response to: Email intrusion and harassment following separation

BowSenior Contributor09 Feb 2023, 4:09 pm AEDT

Re: Email intrusion and harassment following separation

i would certainly block if there was never to be a reason for him to contact you again. I unfortunately cant block my ex as we have a young child. if you cant block, i would certainly seeking an AVO. print the emails and take in as evidence.
good luck

1 - 2 of 2