Parenting fail

I need to share this with people who understand. Last night I had a meltdown in front of my kid and frightened her and I feel awful about it.

For context, my daughter is 8 and recently diagnosed autistic. I have also identified myself as autistic and we've been working really hard to accomodate both of us. The start of school has been really hard. Shes had really bad anxiety, social challenges and has been having hours long meltdowns every day. It takes 2 of us to get her ready for school with no guarantee she'll go. Then she comes home and yells and screams and panics for hours. We are full time coregulating. I feel so bad for her and I am doing everything I can but my parent and I are in major carer burnout right now.

im also dealing with work stress and trying to navigate her ndis funding as well. Last night after hours of trying to help her process her social challenges of the day, I lost it. I went into meltdown and hit myself in the head over and over and then hit the wall really hard. It gave her such a fright. It completely changed her energy and the direction of the interaction.

my partner was there too and later when I tried to talk to him about it he was really not compassionate. He was focused only on how much I scared her and lectured me about it. I mean, he didn't say anything that wasn't true but it felt like he didn't care at all that I was breaking down. And had no understanding that I couldn't control myself. I feel like he thinks I'm just being dramatic all the time and that I should be stronger or more able to handle things.

I feel terrible about frightening my kid. I never want her to think her emotions cause me to hurt myself or freak out. I was just at my wits end and wanted everything to stop. I was so overwhelmed by how little I felt I was helping despite trying so hard for so long.

my head hurts really bad now and I can't sleep - I just keep thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow to try and repair it and how it won't be enough and I can't ever take it back.

I don't know how to make this better. I just want to run away from everything.