tobeornottobeCasual Contributor
Terrifying mood swings
Hello, my first time here. I've suffered depression/anxiety all my adult life, am 42. The last couple of months it's much worse. Up and down with depression, anxiety and churning thoughts. But the swings are phenomenal. Yesterday I felt good, did some housework, in the arvo went for a walk and while walking felt the depression returning and by last night was and still am in black depression. I have six beautiful children and a decent husband and i hide everything for the kids sake. Probably makes it worse but how do you tell them? I have been off meds for years but today have started some medication. Worried about driving to school pickup this arvo. Am in bed. Have had suicidal thoughts recently but am not planning anything. Having trouble expressing here how bad it is. Was hard to get kids off to school today and my 11yr old daughter asked why was I so miserable and I just said I was grumpy. Feel so hopeless. Like the emotions and bad feelings I've always tried to suppress and control have got the better of me. And i wonder is this an emotional problem or a physiological one? I never had much success with meds before, what if they don't work again? I haven't been this depressed for a long time and have never had such rapid mood changes. I am absolutely f***ing terrified. Is this another break down? I have precious little support. I always hide everything and isolate. My poor kids.