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I've never been able to have genuine relationships

QuinnContributor26 Oct 2016, 10:21 pm AEDT

I've never been able to have genuine relationships

Even as a child I couldn't make friends like a normal person. I come from a very remote town where the teachers were plain awful and would encourage peers to bully me or get involved themselves. I didn't know how to act or behave so they would just single me out and pick on me constantly.

High school didn't improve my social skills yet it was still much better than primary school. However both my siblings are in a relationship, one of them has a baby, and even my mother got a new boyfriend when I was 16. Meanwhile I couldn't even get a proper friend at any age.

I feel like there's something wrong with me internally that wards people off like a sensor, because ultimately I keep good hygiene, I'm short but have average looks, I haven't lived at home since I was 17, I work, etc yet even hobos have friends and relationships. I'm just weird, always feel dumb, and as if I really wasn't meant to be born like I'm just an out of place piece.

The only benefit I have to anything is I pay taxes, I don't have friends and obviously never been in a relationship. I don't see a reason for me to be here.

4 replies

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In response to: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

Change123Senior Contributor27 Oct 2016, 9:20 am AEDT

Re: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

I think we can all relate to that.

I dont have any real friends, not did I have during primary school or high school. Im now in my late 40's and still dont have someone I can call a friend and call up etc. I have a partner but we have had a roller coaster of a relationship.

I always feel like an alien, I feel like no one understands our pain, our thinking and what we have been through. Sometimes I too tend to think that I walk around with a X on my forehead as I seem to attract either real freaks or people who just want to take advantage of me.

You are not alone and believe me I ask that question all the time why am I even bothering. You need to find something that means something to you, something to give you a reason to keep going. For me its my dog, he is my lifeline and support - to be honest I dont know if I would make it without him. If there is something in your life thats important to you use that as a reason to keep going.

Remember you are worthwhile, you are important and the people that dont see that - well they are not worth worrying about and better off out of your life.

Take care and keep posting this is a very understanding forum with loads of support and insight.

In response to: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor27 Oct 2016, 11:16 am AEDT

Re: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

@Quinn. I agree with what @Change123 wrote. What do you enjoy doing? Are you a book worm like me? Hobbies and general interests and/or a Pet to love. These can make a huge difference in the way we see the world and the way we feel in this world.
I've recently had to push myself a little out of my comfort zone & join a community volunteer group. Due to my memory issues - I don't always feel as smart or as if I'm contributing as much as some in this group. But I know they appreciate my help. This is where new friendships can form.
So is there something you are passionate about - the environment - trains - dancing - bird songs? Whatever it may be - find a group and join in.
I'm sorry that you feel passed by - by people. That feeling of being invisible. Most of us have felt that at times.
I'm glad you are in this world. I would not like a world with just one personality type. We need diversity.
There is someone out there right now. FFeeling just as you are & longing to have a friend. I hope you find each other soon.

In response to: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

ShimmerSenior Contributor27 Oct 2016, 5:51 pm AEDT

Re: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

Hi @Quinn,

I'm so sorry to hear about the bullying you experienced as a child, that sounds really awful. It's understandable that you don't feel confident in your social skills if that is what you consistently experienced.

When you wrote that you don't see a reason to be here, I wondered whether you might be having thoughts about suicide. If you are, remember that the following services are available 24/7 to support you:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or online chat
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 or online chat
SuicideLine: 1300 651 251
Emergency services: 000

It sounds like it is really important to you to improve your social skills and make friends, is that right? Those are wonderful goals to have. Have you thought about steps you might take towards them? Perhaps that is something you would like to brainstorm together?

Take care,

Shimmer

In response to: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

RedrawSenior Contributor28 Oct 2016, 12:17 pm AEDT

Re: I've never been able to have genuine relationships

I can honestly relate to most everything you said, except work was also a loss to me I did work and was really good but was pushed to burnout, there are so many things I find strange in people there are so many things they can do say and be that just don't make sense to me, I do try to think that others are the strange ones but well it's a pretty extreme majority so it tends to be hard to quantify.

so if nothing else know that there is at least another person in the same boat

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