Need help Please!!! Dealing with narcissists/narcissist behaviour

Hello @KFPDW I have come to the realisation that my brother is a narcissist. With narcissists their behaviour depreciates as they age. There are lots of books and interviews on narcissists and can say they tend to target empaths. I have tried to have a civil relationship with my brother via long distance phone chat but its all beyond me now. I would encourage you to try and get out of your living situation if you can and focus on your healing. I would put up your boundaries and keep your own counsel. These people stop at nothing to stir the pot. Can you move out with friends to a separate place to get away from your sibling? I would not engage with her on any level as they know nothing but causing mischief and harm to others. You could try ways to strengthen yourself using mind/body/spirit techniques so you are not open to fresh attacks. I'm sorry this has happened to you but there are more people like you than you realise. These people don't respond to fairness or reason but underhanded tactics and abuse. I'm sorry to say you got to cut ties and have what is called a sobering period where you cut the narcissist out of your life for good and get on with living your own life. Its what dawned upon me. You can't have congenial relationships with narcissists, they are only guided by self interest and truly don't care about other human beings unless it bolsters their egoic tendencies. Just don't engage with her, just walk away and get your familial needs met through your soul family. Your future is seeking you!

Hey @KFPDW ,

I don’t have NPD, but I do have Borderline personality disorder. Now that I am so much better, I can say what worked best for me was if the person set up clear boundaries.

that way, I knew that if my behaviour escalated, they would act in a certain way. eg walk away until I stopped yelling at them

I hear you care very much for your sibling. The main thing now is to maintain your own health and well-being. If they start at you, walk away?

I don’t believe you can help a narcissist unless they want help. Just like someone with BPD.

i believe it will be a long road, but I also believe there is recovery - once they realise they have a issue.

Please take care of yourself first.

@Former-Member Hey thanks for replying to my post. I really appreciate it. What you said really helps and I'm still reading over it now. Yeah I can't exactly get away from my sibling at the moment but I will try everything else you have suggested and look for my soul family. To have people in my life where I feel like I'm not on my own facing challenges alone as well as look after myself too.

Using self care is something I have been trying before in the past but it's hard. In the past, I had felt like the people who are narcissists are right with what they say and held so much power over me. So I couldn't enjoy the things that make me happy because they made me feel like what I enjoy doing is wrong. But I know that they don't have a say over what makes me happy or not. It's horrible to think that narcissists go out of their way to make other people feel bad about themselves. It's not right or fair. And the minute you start fighting back, you start to feel like a bad person because the way they react, like you hit a nerve and they get upset because of all the hard trails they face in their lives. And the thing is, I don't want to add on their pain, I just want to stop my pain altogether. So it feels like a catch 22 at times.

But what you have said helps a lot so thank you so much. It helps put things into perspective in a more positive light and I don't feel so lonely on the whole situation now. 🙂 Hope you have a good weekend.

@BPDSurvivor Hey thanks for replying as well to my post. What you said helps a lot as well. I really appreciate it. I will take what you said onboard about looking after myself. A lot of what I said about my past experiences with self care is in my response to @Former-Member. But like I said, I will keep trying and I know what I enjoy matters. And other people can't stop me from enjoying what I love. So thanks again for your response and I hope you have a great weekend. 🙂 And I'm glad to hear you're doing better and setting up boundaries is a good idea.

Thats ok @KFPDW I can't write much for now. But something came to mind. Maybe looking into the book: "The Four Agreements". Its a way to be assured within yourself and not be affected by anything anyone says. Its a simple practice but hard to implement. It takes discipline to see results but if peoples opinions are getting to you then this book will make you immune to other peoples rubbish. Its an easy and delightful read but yes hard to practice but every time your mind takes over and resists you can say yes I'm going to do this. It will make you immune to others opinions of you

Also look into pyramid power for manifesting things in your life. It works better than law of attraction. You can make pyramids out of paper, metal or wood. I first saw this written up by someone in a women's magazine. You can make it out of even paper as in the video below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFIkfOhh1eA

They are powerful incubators. When you put your wish in there and go back to the spot you left it in morning and night focussing on your wish. We have a new moon this weekend so its perfect to do it now to take advantage of the balsamic phase of the moon prior to the new moon which is the gestation phase for hopes dreams and wishes. Also look up "manifestation using pyramids". So while your situation may seem impossible right now a little cosmic nudge will get the universe working for you!

Good luck and my best wishes ❤️

@KFPDWtry reading work by Shahida Arabi, or follow her on social media, she is good at shutting narcs down:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2023/01/11-gaslighting-phrases-used-by-narcissists-and-powerful-responses-to-shut-them-down/

@KFPDW

The best way is to detach as much as you can. You cannot reason with or change them. Their brains are wired differently. As others have said, you can only limit your interactions with them - healthy boundaries apply. They are looking for a reaction, (like online trolls), dont give it to them.

Hey Thanks for the link! This is really helpful. 😄 I'll have a proper look at it because I really feel this can be a helpful tool to deal with difficult situations. Thank you so much.