Heaviness and sadness beneath my skin

I have all these emotions and hate my mind. I feel attachments to strangers and public service people I see on a frequent bases. I am lonely and feel drawn by certain body language from people, usually I’m drawn to perceived negative insecurities, like I know I am highly sensitive and empath. When I dont get my fix on just seeing them from a glance I suffer abandonment, so when they are gone or vanished it’s a huge rejection. I dont even know what this is and maybe its limmerence. It has no romance tendencies, just connection and being liked I guess. I hate being older because there is less in my life. It is an addiction of sorts, because the object is not there much anymore and I feel empty. Does anyone know what is happening here? there was hardly any real connection just an imagined one. Now I cant see there vibe or body language and it is like a huge grieving process.