First time opening up for help: To stay or leave partner with C-PTSD, coping with threats

Hi everyone

First time sharing my situation with the universe to see what advice and support might come back from anyone with a similar experience.

I'm currently physically separated (three weeks) from my partner of the past 1.5 years. We have been cohabitating for the past six months. While there were many sweet and tender moments, the arguments would last for up to 12 hours, deep into the night, with my partner doing 80%+ of the talking. While I'm more of an introvert have less to say, my partner can speak on the phone for 2-3 hours in a single breath if she feels triggered by something I did. Obviously in this state there is no ability to reason with her.

From the outset my partner was very keen for the relationship to progress fast. She has not been working during the time we have been together was she wanted to prioritise her relationship with me towards the goal of starting a family. I was less keen (I have avoidant tendencies) and preferred a 'steady as we go' approach.

Some of the worst issues in the relationship manifest as a constant need to be in contact with me (calling multiple times during the day for 30+ minutes to discuss grievances), texting or calling me constantly when I am out with friends, demanding to see messages on my phone, accusations of infidelity etc. I would receive 90+ text messages and multiple calls during a game of golf if I made the mistake of not sending her a message to let her know my whereabouts and status etc.

The most stressful part has been the impact on my job. My partner wants to discuss grievances just as I am walking out the door - which can result in me raising my voice, shouting and sometimes physically struggling with her to leave the house (with torn clothes).

The key incident that has caused the most problems came when I came home from a night six months ago with friends after admittedly drinking far too much. I was again receiving constant calls during the night, to the point where my friends took my phone off me for an hour - much to her enormous frustration. Although my memory of what happened when I got home was foggy, I shouted angrily at her, told her I hated her, called her a c-word and pushed her forcefully away from me. All very emotional and angry and mostly out of character for me - although the anger I felt then and repress now is real and something I am struggling with.

Since this incident, her behavior became more erratic and she has become more demanding and seeks emotional justice for what happened. I have given apologies and bought gifts but it seems to be in vain as she cannot move past this night and will keep brining up its effects on her. When I make moves to leave her, she visits me at my job, makes moves to report and shame me to my employer or post unflattering material on the internet. This pattern continues in our text messaging while I am separated from her.

About a week ago she told me she has been diagnosed with PTSD following nightmares of my anger and shouting which were recurring after we no longer shared a bed. I'm inclined to think this is more C-PTSD which combines aspects of her very anxious attachment style coupled with unresolved childhood trauma stemming from an adored and loved but and angry and violent father (aimed at emotionally volatile mother). Her upbringing also included severe neglect from both her parents during childhood and adolescence, where she was essentially ignored in favor of work and the elder children.

I do empathise with her and I want to be compassionate. But boundaries in our relationship as constantly broken or ignored. Frankly I don't wish to go back to the relationship and I'm hoping for some insights and help on making it a soft landing as possible for her. Attempts at a hard separation are met with the type of drama and escalation that will negatively impact my mental health.

Grateful for hearing anyone else's experience of being in a similar situation or words of wisdom on how I should handle things.