TW: Simply Done.

Hi @SM-BPD I'm sorry to hear how hard things are. I have sent you an email to check in, could you please get back to me?

I would encourage you to call crisis support as you don't deserve to go through this alone.

We are here with you.

Hi and welcome, @SM-BPD .

---

@SM-BPD wrote:

I physically and mentally can't take this untrusting paranoid seperation anymore, on top of bpd.

---

It sounds to me like a permanent seperation would be preferable to you?

I know rebuilding your life is tough. But I'm glad I did it, and that I didn't die when I desperately wanted to.

Also, I want to encourage you to persevere with the therapy. It took me over a decade to find a good therapist, but then I found two excellent ones in a row (one retired). I've got a lot of healing through therapy, and now enjoy my life, as much as possible with 6 mental illnesses.

Good luck...

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

@SM-BPD

Here and with is what we are.

After we die we are still here and with, however don't consider the things against us any more.

Electricity goes against our head and we shape it as the sub, the con and the suss.

Work on hating the subconsuss.

People are not the things against them. They are here and with.

Time is the length of consideration of the things against.

Work on hating the subconsuss and be here.

I feel you. I have ocd, bpd and perimenopause. I'm 50 and feel like everyday is so difficult with no support. I got kids to look after and it's so difficult. I've never been married but been in toxic relationships that damaged me significantly.

Sorry I don't know what to say but I related to your desperation. Counselling and meds haven't helped me. Everything is such a huge effort to do. For me it feels like a huge boulder on me while my brain is racing with non stop crap thoughts. It just gets harder as I get older to just keep going.

I can hear you're in a really bad way. I'm sorry you don't have someone whose faithful, loving, understanding and supportive. I longed so much to meet someone like that but the world is a harsh cold place for some of us. Actually I got good kids but I feel so bad I'm a shit mum because I'm so mentally messed up. I believe in God and I hope there's a purpose to all this pain 🥵 It's terrible being right in the middle of it.

Thanks for sharing your story. It actually helps me to hear other people's struggles. I feel for you and I just want you to know your not alone in this battle with the bully in the brain ❤

@WL1 , thank you for sharing your story with us and welcome ❤️

it sounds as if you have been holding SO MUCH for a long time, it must have taken a considerable amount of strength. I imagine your beliefs help, but are there other things too?

I see that you said counselling and meds haven't worked. And I'm so sorry to hear that. I know for me, it took a long time to find the right counsellor for me.

What kind of supports have you got around you? Either professional (like a GP) or personal?

hey @SM-BPD

How are you feeling today?

Thanks so much for replying @Former-Member

Counselling used to work when I was younger. I've seen psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors over the years when I needed to. It was mainly for ocd, anxiety, depression.

But the last few years in my 40s I became so crazy and it's trauma from lots of things. I've become so paranoid and aware of how crazy my brain is that I hate going out. I only go out because I have to for my kids. I don't like interacting with people because I'm scared they'll hurt me.

If I feel really out of sorts I go online and read articles or watch YouTube. I follow a guy whose a pastor and has a ministry helping people with mental illness. He's very active on YT and does regular live chats which I find helpful because people talk about all their crazy thoughts and it makes me feel.like I'm not alone in being crazy 😄 He's also helpful because he's not preachy and self righteous because he's battled with all these things too. I feel loved and cared for when I listen to him. I've learnt that alot of the brokenness in my heart and mind is because I don't know what love is. I was always trying to hide my mental problems because I was so ashamed of who I am. I was like a chameleon trying to fit in with what I thought others wanted. I'm 50 and I've just come to realise the past year that I don't know who I am. I'm so complicated that counselling I find too superficial to deal with the complex person I am. It's many years of messed up thinking and relating, etc that I have to heal and that's gonna take time and patience.

I was feeling suicidal so I went on SANE and read the guy's post and it helped me to feel I was connecting to someone else in their honest raw pain. My heart had become hardened and sometimes I feel like I hate people. I became so strict with my kids because I was so afraid for them. I used to wish I was a robot because I hated my emotions.

I'm dealing with alot of stuff and places like the SANE forum help because of how easy it is for people to share their struggles. Thank you for responding to my post. It's helpful that you guys are here for us 💐

Hi @WL1

I noticed that you mentioned you were perimenopausal. When you already have pre-existing mental health issues, perimenopause can exacerbate them. I've had anxiety for years and when I hit peri, OMG, it went into overdrive. I never knew anxiety quite like it. I wondered what was going on as I was on medication and it felt like I was doing nothing. I have an amazing GP who flagged peri right away and got me onto HRT. It has done wonders. Have you ever talked to your GP about your perimenopause and how bad you're feeling?

Sending hugs

Hanami

Hi @hanami

Yes I spoke to my GP but he just put me on meds which made me feel worse. I don't think he knew anything about perimenopause. To be honest I didn't even know that was a thing until a year or so ago. I think I looked up menopause and saw articles on perimenopause and how crazy it made some women. Especially the paranoia just ramped up in my 40s.

Thanks for your suggestion. I read a bit about HRT and how it's helped some people. I'm so scared of taking stuff. I get such bad side effects from antidepressants. They don't take away my spinning thoughts and leave me feeling physically ill.

I will ask my GP about HRT and see what he says. Thanks for sharing your perimenopause experience. I've asked women around my age about it and no one knows anything. Someone talked about her hot flushes and that was it. Thank God for the internet otherwise I'd feel completely alone in this craziness.

Thanks again👍

@WL1 Many GPs know little about it. I worry about side effects from stuff too but honestly have had none! Just feel better. There is an amazing FB group for Australian's going through perimenopause and menopause. They have so many great resources. They also have info about a telehealth service called Wellfemme which is often utilised by people who have GPs who know nothing about HRT. It's a great service, I'll put the link here: https://wellfemme.com.au/

There is also a great book called the M word by Dr Ginni Mannsberg. It is amazing. Yep while some people get no symptoms, many get the lot!

Hang in there and if you want to ask me any questions about resources, ask away!