Preoccupied with death

HI @LiamWilliams,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.

Getting caught up in our thoughts is a pretty common thing from my experience. The problem is it can take on a life of its own when the thoughts become all consuming. I went through a phase many years ago when I was preoccupied with thoughts that were really upsetting to me. It really took me down a rabbit hole and I needed external professional help to climb back up. From my experience reading things on the internet, researching about your concerns etc just compounds things and makes it worse. I think it might be beneficial to you if you stop researching this as you are feeding into your anxiety.

I was told a story once that has helped me throughout my life that may help you too:

There was an old man (in his 80s by this stage) that went to his therapist for support around his fear of dying in his sleep. Due to this fear he never slept well for more than 60 years. This meant that he spent so much of his life in fear that he never really lived and enjoyed his life. The ironic thing is he died a few years later from a heart attack. What he feared never happened yet he ruined his life worrying about it.

That story has always stuck with me and I remind myself of it when I start worrying about things.

Would you feel comfortable discussing your feelings with your mum? Even if it's not to discuss your fear of her dying but maybe just let her know you are struggling at the moment and could do with some support?

I wish you all the best.

FloatingFeather

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@FloatingFeather

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it.

Knowing we all go through the same pain, and feeling understood, does help to reduce my existential loneliness.

I did talk to my mother last night about this. I did not want to get on the topic but I am glad we connected about it and I got to hear her spiritual views, and maintain meaning in her life.

I think the fear and anxiety is the worst part.

I am seeking professional external help to try and feel better.

Thanks again 🙂

Hey there @LiamWilliams

My name is Amber22, it is lovely to e-meet you!

I wanted to reply to you as I've had similar thoughts that really used to consume me. I was so terrified of death but more in the circumstances of people close to me passing away. My dad is a lot older than most parents (for people my age) and so I've always been so nervous about it, and sometimes used to even wonder if he himself got as anxious about it as I did. I've had to work through with a professional to understand my thought patterns around this, but what I'm trying to say is that you are definitely not alone with these thoughts!

I wonder if you have spoken to your mum about your worries about this topic? I see that you said she is a clinical psychologist so is there any way that you feel more comfortable opening up to her knowing that she may be able to give you some insight as to why you might be thinking about this frequently? I found that a lot of my thoughts were coming up because I was so fixated on the future, and doing some activities really helped to keep me in the present. Would this be helpful for you too?

Thank you for sharing,

Amber22

hey @LiamWilliams, thank you for sharing what you're going through. I know for me, thoughts like this can be distressing at times. Is talking about it here helpful?

I just thought I'd jump in with some podcast episodes I think you would find enlightening. Funnily enough, these episodes made me think of death quite differently. Kind of like your dot-points in your post.

• Ologies: Thanatology Episode
• A follow-up episode

Sitting with you ❤️