Today is Blue Knot Day

Hi everyone

Today is Blue Knot Day. This day recognises the survivors of adult childhood abuse and trauma.

I am one of the survivors. My story began in 2010 when seeing a psychologist for work stress. After a few sessions we were talking about family and I blurted out that I remembered I was sexually abused as a child.

I was too scared to tell my husband for fear of him leaving me. After another few weeks I decided to tell him with the help of my therapist. That day was the hardest day of my life - there were lots of tears.

I then wanted to tell my parents because I wanted their support, love and strength. That wasn't going to happen. I told my mum and I received so much emotional and verbal abuse. 'How dare you wait 30 yrs to tell me" they were her words. I tried to tell her my side of what happened but she turned around and said 'i don't want to hear what you have to say'. After hearing that and sobbing so much I got up and walked out.

That was 6 yrs ago. I then posted a letter to them explaining depression, anxiety and childhood abuse and asked for their love and support - the letter came back to me. I then sent my dad a birthday card and present - that got posted back. Receiving these knockbacks has truly affected my mental state. To be rejected and abandoned by the ones who are supposed to love you - is truly unimaginable. 😞

My life was going downhill very quickly, I so wanted their love, their hugs but I got nothing in return.

I have three adult children and I know that I would not treat them like she has with me. My sibling except one have distanced themselves completly. I crave for the love of my dear dad so much.

I am trying to stay positive for my chidlren but at times my life seems like thereis no life.

I just want to say to everyone who has been abused as a child - that there is hope. Something I am trying to hold onto right now. There is love and there is faith.

I don't know why i am writing this but I just wanted to send everyone who has been affected a supportive hug, love and strength. For we are not victims but survivors.